5 Girlfriend Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making – blogged by: @proudlylauren

Some time ago, I was blessed with the chance to love the same man for 4 years. He was a good man too; humble, funny, didn’t mind my crazy and responded to my texts in a timely fashion. I’m downplaying him to spare my mascara, but he truly was my best friend, and remarkable partner.

Anyhow, things got rough. He became distant, stopped responding to texts, and began to think my “cute-crazy” was actually clinical-crazy. We fought to make it work, but ultimately decided to part ways, leaving me devastated and lonely to say the least.

So what did I do to mask my devastation? Began playing the blame game, pinning the demise of our relationship solely on him, convincing myself everything was his fault. This actually worked, until I couldn’t avoid the truth any longer. I was just as guilty for the breakup. I started back tracking, and realized for 4 years I made majorly invasive, selfish, and condescending mistakes time and time again, hardly self-reflecting. Ladies, think about it, aren’t we quick to let our man know what he’s doing wrong, correcting him every chance we get?

Are we just as quick and aggressive to fix our own wrongs or shortcomings though? I know I wasn’t, and you see how that ended, so I present to you a list of common mistakes we make as girlfriends.

Not Enough Space– men, just like women, need enough space to learn, grown and be themselves. Give him enough space to brainstorm about his future and his goals; allow him the option of staying at work an hour later to work without you meeting him at the door, attitude in hand; let him get a drink with the guys to clear his head. Crowding him can quickly make your man feel like you’re forcing yourself on him. Take a step back, and let him love you because he wants to, and not because he can’t get rid of you.

You Don’t Forget or Forgive– all too many times I’ve been the woman who chooses to go back to her man after he messes up, but hasn’t truly forgiven, and miserably brings up his mistakes at every inopportune moment; after sex, during Sunday football etc. If you make the decision to stay, you should forgive and move past it, yelling at your man about something he did four months ago, won’t do anything but make both of you relive the painful moments, and keep you stuck in the past.

You’d Rather Talk Than Listen– your man should not feel like he can’t express himself out of fear of making you upset. He should be able to crack jokes, share what he’s thinking, or tell you about his day, without you reacting, giving unwarranted advice, or starting an argument. Offer nothing more than a pair of ears; put him at ease, and show him after a long day, you know how to be his confidant.

No Recognition –between emotions, drama, and mood swings, putting up with our shenanigans is not always an easy job. Any man who is willing to put in the work and deal with us, deserves recognition. Just like we expect our man to shower us with reassurance and compliments, we’ve got to do the same: let him know how grateful you are for everything he does, take a hint from Nivea, and give him 25 Reasons if you have to.

Double Standards– you’re allowed to have guy friends, but he’s not allowed to have female friends, you go through his phone, but he’s not allowed to touch yours: unfair. Whatever standards you hold your man by, you should fulfill as well. He’s not some child you give rules to without validity, reciprocity, or explanation.  Respect him as your equal, by being fair, and reasonable.

If this list was around any sooner, I very well could have still been in my relationship. So learn from me, and keep bae by your side where he belongs: self-reflect, treat him fairly and give all that you receive. I challenge you to only think about YOUR contributions to arguments and negativity, not his, and apply these rules where you see fit.