5 Ways To Know Your Friend Is A Leech

Believe it or not, we all have them, that friend that is a complete leech. If you don’t know a leech chances are you are probably it. First, let’s discuss what a leech is.

 

leech [leech]  noun

1. any bloodsucking or carnivorous aquatic or terrestrial wormof the class Hirudinea, certain freshwater species of which were formerly much used in medicine forbloodletting.
 
2. a person who clings to another for personal gain, especially without giving anything in return, and usually with theimplication or effect of exhausting the other’s resources;parasite.
 
Obviously we are referring to the second definition in this case. A person who clings on to another for personal gain without giving anything in return. A parasite. That’s right folks, that is the leech we will be discussing today. 
 
 
Before we get into how to spot a leech, let’s discuss why people may leech. A person will only leech off you if they believe they have something to gain. If you can’t be used, you’re useless, so consider yourself of some importance if someone goes out of their way to take advantage of you. Now let’s move on to how to spot the leech in your crew.
 
 
1 – She’ll Happily Take The Couch
What begins as an innocent sleep over will easily become a stay over when you’re dealing with a leech. She’ll come over to your home and make it hers within a matter of minutes. Sometimes it’s masked by a long night of partying after the club and you end up blind sided when you realize it’s been two days and your Leech Friend hasn’t gone home. If she enjoys the comfort of your couch more than normal, charge her rent or send her packing! 
 
 
2 – She’ll Borrow And Never Return
Lending things to a leech is a sure fire way to never see your items again. You may believe you’re being a good samaritan but when you find yourself lending more than you are being “lend-ed” you have become the victim of a leech. A true leech is very sneaky. She may try on an article of clothing or a piece of jewelry while she is visiting and next thing you know you’ll never see it again. Not to be mistaken with a thief, a leech will gladly wear the borrowed items in front of you as if they were hers all along. 
 
 
3 – She’ll Never Have Any Money
This is the tell tale sign of a leech. She is always broke, yet is always the one who wants to take part in activities. She never drives to the club because gas is too high, yet she is always the one who wants to go out. She’ll always want to see a movie, yet asks you to get her ticket and she’ll “pay you back”. For some reason, her ATM card is never working and she tends to leave her wallet at home a lot. Don’t be fooled, she’s a leech.
 
 
4 – She Believes Your Boyfriend’s Money Is Her Money
These types of leeches are a little more discrete. They are the type that believe that your boyfriend’s money is just as much their money as it is yours. Whenever you go out with your man, she invites herself. She doesn’t mind being the third wheel. When it’s time to drink, she assumes that he will pick up her tab too so she drinks like a fish. If she tags along for dinner, in her mind he’s expected to pay for her meal as well so it’s no doubt she’ll order the most expensive thing on the menu. All though it’s the gentlemanly thing to do, he definitely doesn’t have to. A leech doesn’t see it that way. In turn, she’ll never invite her boyfriend out to do the same for you.
 
 
5 – When It Comes To Her Funds She’s Cheap
A true leech doesn’t mind spending money….as long as it’s YOUR money! A leech will never spend her own. When she gets her hands on a dime, she will hold on to it tight. She’ll ball out when you get paid however, and she’s mighty good at convincing you that you only live once. Although your leech friend works 40 hours a week, she’ll always scream about how broke she is, yet again, she’ll always want to go out if you’re paying.
 
 
There’s nothing wrong with having a leech friend, as long as you know what they are and what they are up to. If you enjoy being that friend that gives and never takes, a leech may be the best person to have around. Sometimes the leech friend isn’t all about the money. If you happen to hang around a lot of Ballers, your leech friend will take notice and use you for your VIP entry, celebrity friends and all the perks that come along with. Beware of the leech friends that only hang out with you to make themselves look good, those are harder to spot.

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4 comments

  1. I feel this was sexist to a secondary degree. Typing “She” Before every leech scenario, I feel is sexist, because you are implying that only girls and be leeches. Y ‘all Suck. ;(

    • The Other White Meat

      Oh calm down. It’s more than likely written by another chick. People tend to use their own gender when writing.

  2. This is funny because it’s hypocritical as fuck. “They are the type that believe that your boyfriend’s money is just as much their money as it is yours.” So what are you doing in this situation? Yep, you’re the one leeching your boyfriend. Other people can’t leech your boyfriend but it’s perfectly okay for you to do it. Hilarious stuff

  3. YOU ARE GREAT! You give some very GOOD ILLUSTRATIONS of a real problem lots of people encounter who don’t even know what is going on and why they are so drained and confused in their lives. These 3 examples–productivity, emotional, and financial leeches are really the ENERGY DRAINS of my own son who really can’t see it because he has no energy to see with!
    Thanks for all your great work! Keep it up! Bless you.

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