After the Wedding Bells Ring… Being a Good Wife.

What it takes to be a good wife…

Boss asked me to write a blog on being a good wife and I thought long and hard because I am still learning myself. Marriage is not easy, as a matter of fact I think a more appropriate title for it should be Work-age because that is what it takes to make it work. I sat down with Mr. the other night and had a discussion. His first answer was superficial and simple…Make my eggs cheesy for me, don’t nag me and be the freak I like for you to be. After the vicious blank stare and mean side eye we got down to talking about the things that people really don’t talk about and that is where this list comes from. It comes from the advice given to us from our marriage mentors 2 couples (aunts & uncles of mine) who between them have a combined total of 76 years of marriage. My 2 great Aunts that were both happily married and lessons from people who have touched our lives. This list is not about cooking, cleaning and freaking it’s about how to put your best foot forward in a loving healthy relationship to get you through the hard times and make the good times better. These are in no particular order:

1)      Protect your union.- By this I mean protect it from negative outside influences. Your mother, sisters, brothers, girlfriends etc. This is not to say not to talk to anyone at all but be careful of what you say. Many times when we are airing our grievances to friends/family we tell only one side and paint a picture that is one sided and a bit inaccurate. That can create unnecessary tension between outsiders and your husband and the truth of the matter is you need to be working things out with him.

2)      Pick your Battles– Every battle is not to be fought choose them wisely. Some of the trivial things that get on your last nerve choose to let it go. By no means am I talking abuse (of any sort) or disrespect but not every little thing rises to the occasion of confrontation.

3)      Make Time for Intimacy-  This does not mean just sex. When you have a busy hectic life and so does your mate it is easy to get caught up in putting quality time for each other off until “later”. Life is short and when things get rough this time is needed more than when things are going well. It will help to keep you connected and give both of you a chance to lean on each other.

4)      Never forget why you fell in love– remind each other often. So very simple but so easy to forget. Just do it.

5)      Take responsibility for making yourself happy- Nobody can make you happy and it is unfair to expect that of your partner. Do what you need to do to mentally, physically and spiritually to keep yourself in a good place. Communicate by any means necessary the space and time you need to make this happen and return the favor.

6)      DO NOT COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO ANYONE ELSES- You never know what is going on behind closed doors and it will do nothing to help your relationship. There will always be couples who appear to be happier, doing better or worse than you. There is no comparison everyone’s situation is unique.  

7)      Do not Lose yourself in your marriage & continue to grow. – Never lose your sense of self remember he chose you for who you are never lose sight of that and continue to grow and evolve as an individual.