Meet Traci Lynn Johnson, the jump off that Tiki Barber left his wife (who was pregnant with twins) for. Cute, huh? Well cute as she may be she is definitely the dumbest shit for brains I have ever encountered. Out of all the nonsense she was rambling about in her latest interview with Maxim Mag, the only thing I could deduce is that she’s plastic, her blood alcohol level is the same as her IQ, and she has a thing for Carmelo Anthony. Lala, watch your man.
Some excerpts from Maxim:
Where do you get hit on most often?
When I’m with my two dogs in Central Park. Every guy wants to know their names and how old they are. Then they want to talk to the 5’10” platinum blonde in high heels walking them.
(Eleven8’s Thoughts: How wack do you have to be that a guy notices your two dogs before he sees you. Hoe have several seats. This interview was done before it started.)
Where would you go on your ideal first date?
A Mexican restaurant. We’d have tacos, enchiladas, and enough salsa to kill someone. And we’d wash it down with tequila and go out dancing. I’m a terrible dancer, but with enough tequila in me, I’ll do anything.
Is that where you went with Tiki?
No, we went to McDonald’s. I was starving and about to flip into bitch mode, so we stopped there. It was a match made in Happy Meals.
(Eleven8’s Thoughts: Ironic that you like Happy Meals, since you’re obviously a couple of fries short of one.)
You’re not a sports fan?
I love basketball. Tiki knows Carmelo Anthony is my favorite New York athlete. We sat with him at an event, and Tiki told him, “She will leave me for you in a heartbeat.” I was so embarrassed.
(Eleven8’s Thoughts: If Carmelo ever…and I mean EVER even so much as breathed in this trollop’s direction I would join Lala in beating the breaks off his ass. Do you hear me? I would help her castrate him and throw his goods in the Hudson River. Don’t even wink at this dumb wench Melo!)
How many (tequila shots) do you have in one sitting?
Six, if I have enough limes. Enough tequila can turn any bad date into a great night.
So Tiki can hold his liquor. What else don’t we know about him?
Other than the fact that he likes to walk around the house naked?
(Eleven8’s Thoughts: *throws Macbook* I’m done….)
Look, I don’t know what it is about these dumb ballers and their even dumber girlfriends but I couldn’t even stomach going through half of this interview. This broad is two credits away from the special class and she’s only getting dumber by the Tequila shot! THIS is who you left your wife for Tiki? HER? Like, you couldn’t do better? Blah! She’ll be gone in a few months, especially when those child support payments start rolling in. That’s what dumb birds do!