Are You Knowingly Dating A Deadbeat? “The Deadbeat Enabler” – by @NovaGiovanni

Hey yall, let me introduce you to Nova Giovanni. He and I have been trying to do a post together for a LONG time now and so far nothing has happened….yet! I do love the guy’s writing style though. I’ve featured his posts on BA before. This one is just as great. Check out his new piece

“The Deadbeat Enabler” as seen on Vibe Vixen.

Hello, loyal reader. Are you a deadbeat? You know what a deadbeat is, right? A deadbeat parent, having no relationship with your children and not seeking one. Of course most people wouldn’t admit to it, but you know who you are. Take a breath, you’re not on trial today. This is about the deadbeat’s ally, The Deadbeat Enabler.

The Deadbeat Enabler can come in different forms, but the most prevalent and powerful of the deadbeat parent is the person who willingly dates them. Are you a deadbeat enabler? Does the person you are dating have children? How often do you see them? How often do they have them? It is up to you to ask them about their children and inquire as to why they aren’t active in their children’s lives. I’m sure the deadbeat has an excuse that sounds pleasing to the ears. Since they never have their children, they have a lot of time alone to think of a reason to tell people why they don’t. Remember, no excuse is a good excuse. Nova Knows.

Now that you know the person you are dating is a deadbeat, what are you going to do about it? The only honorable thing to do is disassociate yourself from this person. Before I continue, I’d like to let it be known that I’m speaking from experience and not a place of malice or judgment. A few years ago, I was involved with a woman who I found out had a child in South Carolina. She had a great story as to why her child lived hundreds of miles away. Me wanting to give her a chance, I accepted the story. I had come to the conclusion that her child lived far away because she had the child at an early age, and living with someone more mature was in the child’s best interests. Then, I started noticing she never even called her child while I was around. Come to find out she hadn’t even spoken to her child in years AND had a second child in South Carolina she NEVER spoke of. What do you think I did? I detached myself from her. No, we can’t date. No, we can’t be friends. Of course the deadbeat will play the victim and beg for you to understand their plight. There is nothing to understand. They can’t even be loyal to their own children, so they damn sure can’t be loyal to you. Do you think it is wise to be intimate with such a person? What do you think will happen if you two have a child together? Do you think they will be responsible all of a sudden? Don’t be stupid. Even if they are, that doesn’t excuse them from being responsible for the children they already have.

In this day and age, there is an epidemic of deadbeat enablers. They vary from people casually dating a known deadbeat to those really TAKING CARE of deadbeats like a child of their own. This is definitely a problem. However, for every problem there is a solution. See, there are certain things that would make us social outcasts. If we didn’t bathe and smelled like feces, we’d be social outcasts. If we committed horrendous crimes, we’d be social outcasts. Well, isn’t bringing children into this world and not taking care of them (physically and emotionally) not a horrendous crime? It is up to ALL of us to do a better job at identifying and shunning deadbeats. It is okay to ask your friends, “Hey! When is the last time you saw your kids?” or “How are your little ones doing?” during casual conversation. In the end, it isn’t just about that person avoiding responsibility. It is about their children and OUR children, and the future and society as a whole. I believe one of the reasons people feel they owe know allegiance to their children is they aren’t penalized for it. They can still mingle with the rest of us, partying, enjoying themselves as if they never created a life they are responsible for. That isn’t right. There are many studies proving the absence of parenthood is a contributing factor to many problems in children, carrying over into their adulthood. More people than just their absent parent deserve some of the blame.

This isn’t just an article. This is a call to action for all of us. It is time for us to hold ourselves and our friends to a standard that will benefit everyone as a whole. It is time to make parenthood cool (even though us active parents already know it is). We don’t have to go to the club, brother. How about I get my kids, you get your kids, and we all meet at the park? Deadbeats, deadbeat enablers, bad parents, good parents, friends, foes, rich, poor, Black, White, tall, skinny… we have some work to do.

Thank You,

Nova Giovanni

www.NovaGiovanni.com

You can download the free book, “The MisEdukation of the Nigga” can be downloaded at www.TinyUrl.com/MisEdukation