Are You Ready for Some Football Ladies? No? Here’s Some Helpful Tips During this Football Season

Photo Credit KenzPhotos

Football season is here ladies! Even though it’s preseason, many football fans, like myself could care less. We just want that football on our television sets. Now what that means for you ladies, who aren’t proficient with the sport of football and only like the teams that have pretty color jersey’s or nice round butts, it’s shut up and go to the kitchen season. I know, I know, how not fair that is, but I’m telling you, just go in the kitchen, make some snacks, food for your boo and his friends and just stay out the way.

Understand that while your “boothang” is watching football, that is NOT the time to ask him anything about football. Don’t ask him what that play is or what just happened or is that the quarterback. Just don’t. Don’t even ask him if he wants another beer. Just be a good little girlfriend, side piece, wife, or whatever you think you are to him, and just bring him another beer and some more food.

The time to speak to your man is during a commercial, but don’t let it be ANYTHING serious, because you only have 1-2 minutes to talk. There will be sometimes during said commercial break that he might not want to talk to you because of a play that just happened before they went to commercial. So, my advice again, just be a good waitress and cook. Sorry.

During halftime, you MIGHT be able to strike and pounce and get an actual conversation. OR in some cases, Halftime can be HeadTime. Use your mouth wisely and let him release some of that pent up anger from watching the game into your mouth. You’ve provided him with a necessary release of anger and you did your duties as a wife, mistress, side chick, etc.

This is totally a misogynistic post, but guess what….it’s how THEY think. Remember Al Bundy (Married With Children) and they’re No Ma’am shirts? Yeah, that’s how they are. I follow a few guys on my twitter who will post up the No Ma’am shirts on the timeline to remind the females it’s a sports day. They’ll even tweet them “go in the kitchen”. Why? because they don’t want to read or hear ANYTHING that’s going on in your day at that time. Learn the art of shutting up.

For the love of everything, do NOT pretend that you know football just to be around your him and his people and say something totally out of pocket, that they know that you know jack sh*t. Don’t make yourself look any dumber. Now that doesn’t mean that you can’t sit and watch the game. Just don’t ask any questions, take mental notes and then do a little research online. It won’t hurt.

Football is more than just colors of the jersey or their big butts in those pants. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a football fan, but I love staring at their backsides just as much as any other woman out there. I just don’t comment out loud, BUT, I’m saying #HeyBoo in my mind.

Here’s a few tips that might help you and surprise your mate while watching the game.

1. Quarterback, he is the captain of the ship if you will, he steers the ship. The QB (Quarterback) throws the football to a fellow teammate down the field. If he’s like Mark Sanchez or Tim Tebow, 8/10 he’ll get SACKED.

2. Sacked is when the QB is looking to throw the ball to someone down the field and the DEFENSE (the other team) runs through the OFFENSE (QB’s team) and annihilates the QB, so he’s unable to get the ball out of his hands.

3. The GOAL of the game is to get a TOUCHDOWN. A Touchdown (TD) is 6 points and a PAT (point after touchdown) or extra point is when the kicker comes out and does his ONLY job, to kick the ball in between the two posts for 1 point. Now the TD + the PAT =7 points.

4. Interception. (Using Mark Sanchez again) The QB, Sanchez, sees a TE (tight end) open and the QB throws the ball and a member of the DEFENSE (other team) Jumps up, grabs the ball and runs. That’s an Interception.

5. Fumble. There are many ways to fumble, Mark Sanchez chose to do a Butt Fumble, where he was running to throw the ball and ran smack dab into his teammates butt. Yes, he ran into a BUTT and he dropped the ball. That’s a rare occurrence, but a fumble is a FAIL to hold the ball after carrying the ball.

Hopefully that helps you, if you want more tips on football, then I suggest you get your Google on. Good luck ladies. In the meantime, until you get your knowledge down pact, stay in the kitchen and don’t tweet certain guys or else get the No Ma’am t-shirt tweets.

To those women who really ARE football fans, feel free to post other tips in the comments to help others out and tell me, what’s your favorite team? Even though I totally bashed Sanchez above, I am a Jets fan through and through!

I’m MizCaramelVixen, your Fetishologist. Follow me on twitter @MizCaramelVixen. Instagram: miz_caramel_vixen and send your sex questions in [email protected]