It’s been less than a year since the untimely death of Mac Miller, and for Ariana Grande, the “wounds are still fresh.”
In the August cover interview for Vogue, Grande openly mourned the life of her ex and addressed his longtime battle with drugs.
“By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, fuck,” she told Vogue. “He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
The pair were on and off for years before the late rapper accidentally overdosed on a mix of drugs and alcohol last September. Despite their time apart, Grande often times felt overwhelmed worrying about Miller’s well-being. During the interview, the pop star addressed people who bullied her online and blamed her for his death.
“People don’t see any of the real stuff that happens, so they are loud about what they think happened,” she said. “They didn’t see the years of work and fighting and trying, or the love and exhaustion.”
After her breakup with Miller, Grande began dating comedian Pete Davidson. In fact, the two got engaged in June 2018, but their relationship came to an end shortly after Miller’s death last fall. For Grande, Davidson was an amazing distraction.
“My friends were like, ‘Come! We’re gonna have a fun summer,’” the singer said. “And then I met Pete, and it was an amazing distraction. It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him.”
Despite the hurt she’s experienced, Grande is still focused on healing herself.
“I’m a person who’s been through a lot and doesn’t know what to say about any of it to myself, let alone the world. I see myself onstage as this perfectly polished, great-at-my-job entertainer, and then in situations like this I’m just this little basket-case puddle of figuring it out,” she said.
“I have to be the luckiest girl in the world, and the unluckiest, for sure. I’m walking this fine line between healing myself and not letting the things that I’ve gone through be picked at before I’m ready, and also celebrating the beautiful things that have happened in my life and not feeling scared that they’ll be taken away from me because trauma tells me that they will be.”