#AskAMan – “Did I Do Anything Wrong To End Up Single? ” – Answered by @Gentlemenhood

We have another #AskAMan segment answered by none other than @Gentlemenhood, read it below.  Need to ask for a man’s perspective? Email: [email protected] with “#AskAMan” in the subject.

“So I’ve recently broke up with my boyfriend of 10 months, on the same day I was in a near death automobile accident on 11/24/14.  This relationship although short was one that will go down in history as one of my best relationships. We had a great friendship of 8 years and start dating in Nov of 2013 and became a couple on Jan 1, 2014. We went out to eat at the best restaurants, we had amazing uncensored bedroom relations, a great friendship chemistry, went to church together and had always been FB friends. I did have relationship checkups at the 3 month and 6 month marks just seeing where we stood. If he was happy with me and if I was doing everything I could for him.

Honestly he turned me out! I did things with him I wouldn’t do with my partner of 8 years. I treated him like a king. We even called each other King and Queen. We talked about marriage and kids. He wanted to be re-married but didn’t want anymore kids. I’ve never been married or never had any children, he has two and has been married once. I understood the kid thing but I had expectations of dating to marry not dating to waste more time. He is educated so am I. We come from middle class parents who have been married for 30+ years. We looked great together he matched my fly so well.

Well here’s where things went from great to me running for the hills…he became the Facebook and Instagram police. He watched my page and post every other hour. He wanted to know every fella who gave me a compliment and became mad at me for saying thank you. He then began having issues at work and his mom became very ill and it seemed as if he started to forget about me and not coming over to visit and not calling me as much to keep me posted on her health. We began not texting or responding back to each other’s messages. It was so sudden and out of the ordinary. We are both Capricorns, 2 days from each other. I secretly didn’t love him, I told my girls I felt the only reason why I wasn’t in love with him was because I didn’t feel the love back. We never even told each other “I love you ” but the world and family seen something different. They seen the way he made my smile come back after being gone for over a year, they seen the way he was attentive to me in a public setting, they seen how much we complimented each other so well.

Well leading up to my accident I didn’t reach out to him the weekend before bc of lack of communication and me being stubborn. Monday came and the accident happened I was able to call the police and call him right after to let him know what had happened. 11:20am I did not hear from him until 3:30pm, and when we talked he replied a couple of times “well at least you are alive”! After he got off work (mind you he didn’t leave work early to come by my side) he texted to check up on me and said he was going home. He did not come to see me!!!! I was so hurt and upset I immediately told him we needed some space and I was breaking up with him. He replied “I thought you made there clear on Sunday.” I never respond back and he hasn’t either. It’s been a little over a month now and I did not think of him much in Dec but now I am. I even had a dream about him last night. I was told by my mom after the relationship ended that he had told her he did not want to marry me. She was so hurt. Also my dad liked him as a man but not for his daughter. My family liked him as a person but not as the man for me but no one told me. Now, I don’t want to get back with him bc I understand he was my season and now I am preparing for my forever husband. He taught me so much about how to cook, how to clean, how to be independent and most important how to maintain my happy with or without him. Bc I am happy now we have ended but I miss my friend and miss looking at his photos. Did I do anything wrong to end up single? 

Signed,

single and waiting  “

Dear Single And Waiting,

Wow sorry to hear about the accident and everything with the relationship. I believe your relationship was a case of two good people being together but not necessarily meant for each other. I’ve always said just because he’s good to you doesn’t mean he’s good for you. He sounds like a gentleman and that was love by everyone else except he wasn’t in love. You were expecting his way to be a fruit of love for you but it was more of a fruit of who he is, a man of good character. I believe he pulled away when he start facing his true feelings and reality starts to hit him. Him distancing himself was him not being able to cut it off but waiting for it to just fall off like all good people do in relationships because they are afraid of hurting their partner. You being single and waiting is the best decision in this case and i think you should take this experience as a lesson to set the standard. Now you know what a good man should treat you like and when love is in the mix how much better it will be. You made the right choice. 

– @Gentlemenhood