Ballerific Relationships: 5 Behavior Types That Keep Love Out

We all want Love, some of us more than others. Although there are a few that refuse to admit it, it is a natural desire to be desired. Not only do we want to be desired, we want to be adored and admired. Yes, we are wired to want to belong and there is an evident shift in our spirit when we do not have that in our dealings with people. Far too many of us have been convinced that true Love is a myth. It exists only in the movies, those urban novels we like to read and in everyone’s lives but our own. So what do we do? We sabotage anything that resembles our version of Love because we’re want the heads up. We’re just waiting for the shoe to drop, right? Sure, there will be people who dog you, break your heart, mend it and then break it again but there are also those who will Love you like you never imagined. Below are 5 behavior types that may keep you from the latter.

First, you have Mrs. Fix It. This person is attracted to “projects” or people they can “fix”. They need to be needed so they go for those who have not recognized their own potential & who are dependent on them. This is their way of being assured that the person will be there no matter what transpires in their personal life. In some cases, she feels inadequate if she is involved with someone who may be driven and accomplished because she lacks those things herself. Mrs. Fix It feels most connected when the people they love seek out their help as it is a way to become distracted for the many things they should work on within themselves.

Then you have floaters. At least that’s what I call them. These people float from relationship to relationship to avoid being alone. This is a person who is hardly ever single because they are not sure how to function alone and quite frankly, aren’t interested in learning how. Like Mrs. Fix It, this is someone who is not ready to face who they are. Another type of floater is the type that can only deal with someone until they feel themselves getting comfortable or actually falling in love. While that may be a gift to some it is a curse to a floater. It is not that they fear comfort and love, it is that they fear losing it. They do not avoid being alone, they avoid being left alone. They fear being abandoned so they leave before they are left & reject before being rejected. What they really desire is a strong foundation and lasting relationships but their actions almost always result in the opposite.

What about those who are disconnected from people all together? They convince themselves that all people are the same and that they will eventually deceive them or get ghost so they don’t even bother. They cover up their longing for relationships by claiming they don’t need them. They build walls around their emotions and pretend not to have them. If they don’t let you in you can’t let them down. Simple, right?

Finally, This person lives with a constant fear of being abandoned. This is not the same type of fear that floaters experience as this is a more intense, debilitating fear. To avoid this, they strive for perfection in all of their associations not just their romantic ones. They fear that even the slightest indiscretions on their end will result in being abandoned so they not only do everything that is asked of them, but go way above and beyond. They often do these things out of desperation but think they are doing so out of dedication. In their mind, they are selfless and people praise this trait in them when in reality they are everything but selfless. Their actions are often motivated by their own need to be Loved and belong and not by the sheer desire to help others. Like Mrs. Fix It, they need to be needed. This person feels invaluable if they are not needed or being used in some way and wants to be the one to save the day. They are convinced that they want to see people win but not more than they want to be the reason people win. They are fiercely loyal and have an extremely high tolerance for mistreatment. Rarely does this person speak up or express their desires in order to avoid conflict at all costs. If by chance they do speak up they feel guilty and may retract because they feel that making someone angry is grounds for disassociation.

The word no evades them. The only way to make people Love you is by saying yes. You can never, ever say no. Ever. That would be a typical thought of someone struggling with this. They engage in risky sexual activity without forethought and sometimes with people whom they don’t even want. They may form friendships with people they do not trust and are not too fond of just to have people around. They will have those who will have them. Period. They imagine goodness in people that they know are detrimental to their well being & convince themselves that these people are ideal. Time does not exist to them and they dive head first into relationships. They are immediately trusting and waste no time trying to prove it. They want everyone to be… The one.

If you identify with any of these behaviors then you owe yourself the time to self reflect. As cliche as it sounds, Love begins with you. Self Love is not a natural ability as we are taught to believe. Especially not for those who have been used and abused, it is a conscious act. Love yourself on purpose. Let go of that thing your mom said to you when you were 13, let go of what your dad did or didn’t do. Release that hurt you carry around from every failed relationship. That grace and mercy you show those who constantly hurt you? Have that same grace with yourself. We so easily forgive people only to turn around and hold a grudge against ourselves for doing so. No more. Let. Go.