I have a lot of friends that are in the dating world and I noticed that they all are going through similar situations with men. So, I decided to whip up a quick post giving advice on dating woes and how to handle them without losing your cool or your mind over a man. It is 2012 and it is no better time than now to break those old dating habits that caused you pain and suffering. Break the cycle.
1. Lower Your Expectations.
The title can be misleading. Allow me to explain. When I say that you should lower your expectations with men, I am not advising you to be accepting of mistreatment, abuse, lies, manipulation, cheating, or any other unsavory behavior from men. What I am telling you is that you are dating and not married. Therefore the man that you are simply dating, and not in a relationship with, does not owe you anything. Women sometimes place these high expectations on the men that they are dating. Thinking that because SHE is completely obsessed with him,and into him, that he should feel the same way about her. Ladies, he owes you nothing. Just because you have made the decision that you would like to be in a relationship with him one day does not mean that he is completely convinced that he should be with you. He could be dating ten other women aside from you and it is completely in his right to do so. As it is in yours as well. Now in no way am I telling you that you should go out of your way to try to convince the man to be more interested in you or that he should be in a relationship with you. I think you should do and give what you are comfortable with and no more. However, let there be no confusion here; he owes you nothing. You are only dating. But fret not ladies. This catch 22 works both ways, however women rarely use it because we get so caught up in our own agenda and our emotions. Remember, you own him nothing as well. You don’t owe any men that you are only dating any explanations, loyalty, or deep rooted emotions. These are all qualities that should not be taken lightly and should not be given away freely. This is your love after all. It is something worth being treasured. Not every one will be deserving of your heart.
2. Don’t Let Wanting Marriage Cloud Your Better Judgment.
Some women want to be married so badly that they will hook up with the first loser that approaches them, devote years of time, emotions, love and sex, to this one man, to only find out that he never deserved it in the first place. This is why I always encourage women to date more than one man at a time. Yeah I said it. This will stop you from getting so caught up in one man that probably is not as interested in you as you are him. And it will also remind you that you have options. Meaning that you do not have to settle for the first man that treats you like he is only half interested in you. He treats you like you are an option because you are and he realizes that. You should too. Sure your ultimate goal may be to be someone’s wife. I understand ladies. Being out in the dating world quite frankly, sucks ass. Seriously that shit is for the birds. Once you get over the excitement of meeting new men, going out, you ultimately want to know that someone genuinely gives a damn about you and is not just going through the motions in order to get in between your legs. But what you cannot do is allow your yearning for a relationship or marriage put you in a mindset where any man will due. Where you will accept any garbage into you life and love it enough in hopes that one day it smells like roses. Desperation is never attractive.
3. Go out, have fun, but don’t let finding a man be your priority or goal when you do.
This goes hand in hand with the previous paragraph. Ladies, go out, have fun. But when you do, don’t let looking for a man or getting attention from men be your priority. Go out because you want to enjoy yourself. Go out to hang out with your girlfriends. Hell, go out because you just got your hair done and don’t want to waste a fresh hair do. I will accept any of these reasons to party. But whatever you do, never let finding a man be your top priority in life. When you do that it seems that you push the man that is meant for you even further from you. My aunt once told me that the universe does not operate correctly through desperation. Do you know what that means? It means that the more desperate and high strung you are over wanting something, the farther you push it away from you. Be cool. It will happen. He will come. Until then, live your life and have fun.
4. Sex With No Strings Attached Clause.
If you are going to have sex with no strings attached then be prepared for the consequences of that. He owes you nothing. Just because you had an outer body experience once his penis entered you and you felt as though you were floating on planet Pluto does not mean that he felt the same way. For him, it could have been what it was. Sex. If you are going to give up the goods without any commitment then be prepared for the reality that he could diss the shit out of you. I’m talking about diss the shit out of you. He could stop answering your calls. He could see you in the street and walk right by you the next day. He could get out of bed, wipe his Johnson off and go over another chick’s house and tell you what he is about to do. Is it cool that he is being an asshole? No. But it is his choice to be that way. Just as it is your right to see his penis and laugh hysterically at how minuscule it is. Is it right to be that rude to someone? No. But it is your choice. I am not necessarily advising against casual sex. I am advising you to know what you are getting yourself into. Some women are queens of hit and quit it and prefer to deal with men in that way. If you are an emotionally fragile woman then you may not be capable of such callousness. Know yourself and don’t place yourself in that predicament.
5. Pay Attention To What He Does And Not What He Says.
This is such an important concept. One to live by while dating. Men are known for what has now be termed “running game”. It is what it is. Sometimes, they are going to say thing that they think we want to hear in order to get whatever it is they are wanting from us. Such is life. Rather than falling into the trap of soaking up their words like a sponge you should pay attention to their actions. It really isn’t brain surgery here ladies, it is just a matter of you paying attention to the man you are dating. He will show you if he is truly interested in you. If he says he will come over at a certain time does he show up? Does he call you when he said he was? Does he listen to you when you talk? Does he do what he says he is going to do in regards to you? I gotta tell you, if he tells you that he is interested in you and wants to be in a relationship with you but you can’t even get him to keep his word on when he is going to come over to take you out then he is giving you a warning sign that he is not that interested in you and that you are a choice among many and not a priority. When a man is truly interested in dating you seriously, you will know it. Why? Because you wont be able to get rid of him! He will find excuses to be around you. He will go out of his way to make you happy. My advice here is to wait this out. Sometimes, some men play this game to meet their own sexual desires with you. In other words, don’t be impressed by this behavior after two weeks. It still means nothing. Give him time to show if he is sincere and pay attention to his actions and not his words. They will be the determining factor as to how into you he really is. You will no longer be an option but will be a priority to him.