Ballerific Relationships: Why Dating For Potential Is Not A Good Idea

As women, we are often pressured to lower our standards if we want to find a man. Being told that our ideal man does not exist leads many of us to believe we have to either settle or remain lonely for the rest of our lives. For the rest of us who have been told to believe that Mr. Right is a myth, we are forced to date guys for their potential — bad idea!

What is dating someone for their potential? It’s the ‘diamond in the rough’ theory. It is seeing something in someone, in hopes that they will someday grow to become that. The problem with dating for potential is that, more often than not, you see something in someone that they don’t even see in themselves. If they don’t see it in themselves, how will they ever achieve it?

Dating someone for their potential can become tiring. You find yourself always pushing your mate but they rarely motivate themselves. They’re either content where they are or they fear making life-changing risks. The potential you see in them does not exist until they have made up their mind to go for it. Often times though, you’re the one who is chasing their dream for them. It hardly ever works out.

Ladies, I know it’s difficult. Hearing a man discuss his hopes and dreams is such a turn on. Nothing is sexier than a man discussing his life goals and how he plans to achieve them. Just seeing the excitement in his eyes, hearing the rise in his voice and feeling the warmth in his blood as he talks about being the boss he is destined to be, is enough to make you orgasm on the spot. But you can’t allow that to distract you. Be able to differentiate between the men who are about that talk and the men who are about that action.

When Michelle began dating Barack, she didn’t date him because he could potentially become the president. She was with him because he was already actively working on things that made him great. He was already a scholar, they already shared similar views, he was already a great public speaker. He was going to be great whether he became America’s 44th president or not.

You’ll know when you see an “action” man. He doesn’t take “no” for an answer. He works extremely hard and doesn’t make excuses. He’s always looking for ways to advance and is hardly ever content with the everyday, mundane, path he’s on now. Every time you come across him, he has reached his goal and set another.

The “talk” man always prefaces the discussion of his goals with “I should have,” “I want to,” “I could have,” and never “I am.” There’s always a reason or an excuse for why he isn’t where he’d like to be. His sob stories play into our motherly and nurturing nature. We want to fix him because that’s what we are wired to do. We see his talents, we see what he is capable of, we see his POTENTIAL, however, if he saw his potential would he really be letting all of these excuses stand in his way?

We can’t allow ourselves to be played into loving a man’s potential. It’s okay to allow yourself to be a little selfish and want a man who is already actively working on his goals, rather than the man who is just talking about them. Don’t let society tell you that your perfect man does not exist. He does. And if you’ve worked all this time to become the perfect woman for someone, you deserve the same in return.