Ballerific Relationships: Giving Boyfriends Husband Privileges – blogged by: @proudlylauren

There I was, one Sunday evening, sweating out my perfectly laid edges, while I re-enacted a tradition I had observed from the women in my family (grandmother especially) for years: cooking for your man. Now this was no ordinary, microwaveable chicken fingers, boxed mac and cheese, and canned spinach type of meal; but rather a meal consisting of smothered pork chops, three cheese baked macaroni and cheese, slow cooked cabbage and sweet potatoes; his favorite.  When I was finished cooking, I poured wine and had the table set and ready for bae’s arrival; I was certain things would go perfectly. That was until bae gets home, tells me he’s had a terrible day and wanted to do nothing more than sleep.

The amount of disappointment I felt, the devastation; yeah I understand people have bad days, but I went ALL OUT. Furthermore, as I think back, my grandfather would have NEVER walked past the set dinner table, to go sleep, ever. That’s when I had my usual, mid-emotional melt down, epiphany: I just re-enacted a tradition I observed from married women, not girlfriends, and my expectations for dinner had been that of a wife. Ladies, if you stop and think, are we always aware of the privileges we give our boyfriends: Ensuring a noticeable divide between what we would do as a wife, and what would we do as a girlfriend? I know a lot of us are not aware, and instead confuse the roles, trying to prove we are wife material, however: there is a way to show you are marriage material, without role confusion:

Build a friendship: This is the most important part of being a girlFRIEND. Take your time to build a friendship, judgment free, and sometimes opinion free. Listen to their fears, goals, and secrets; share yours with them, feel each other out, exploring every part you can. Establish a foundation with each other, that is sound and secure, and can withstand the tests of time should you ever actually get married.

Go half on things, making sure to be fair and equal: No one person in the union should feel like they are the sole financial support system for the other: that’s what parents, jobs and marriages are for. Instead, spending should be equal (outside of gifts, and special things like that), making sure to take turns on date nights, and dinners. Also, you know how when your mom lets you borrow five dollars, but you never have intentions of giving it back, that is not what your bf/gf is for; if you owe them money, respect them enough to give it back. Outside of money, other things should also be fair and equal: cook dinner together, take turns planning spontaneous things. Overall make sure there is a balance, and no one person feels like they do more than the other.

Separate finances: This is pretty self-explanatory. Imagine the issues you could run into if your bf/gf had access to your pay check, your bank statements, your daily transactions, your savings account, social security number etc. You know, there are marriages that don’t even believe in sharing bank accounts. Save yourself the drama of someone else knowing what’s in your pockets.

Space : It seems like husbands and wives do everything together, and not the cute In love, inseparable way either; but going to the mall together to save gas while the man sits in the car and sulks miserably while she shops kind of way. While in a relationship, still set aside time to be involved with your own personal interests, making sure to still invest in your own happiness: go to that hot yoga class, or weekly poker night.

Talk about expectations and standards: My ex bf was very open about how he thought a marriage should be, what he thought a wife’s duties were, and a husband’s. Instead of just listening and taking note, I was over zealous and decided I was going to do all of those things to make him happy, and help him realize I was wifey material. Instead of being over-anxious like me, have that conversation with your significant other, ask what they expect in a marriage and in a dating relationship, and use that as sort of a guide.  

I know we want our man to think we are the best person for them to marry, but that does not mean the entire relationship should be you acting like the wife you are not. Take things slow, and enjoy what you all have now; a genuine marriage is more likely to come from that, than pretending. So ladies, I challenge you to take a step back, re-evaluate your relationship, and make sure you have not confused being a girlfriend and being in a holy matrimony.

Ladies, and Gents, if you have anything else to add that I may have missed, please share!