Ballerific Relationships: I Hate My Best Friend’s Man

We have all been in a situation where our friend’s partner just rubs us the wrong way.  The partner may seem decent enough and always polite, albeit a little bit corny, but our friend seems happy.  However, we can’t shake a feeling deep within us that this “perfect” partner is actually a scumbag.  During hangouts with the three of us, the partner finds ways to disagree with everything we say.  For example, if we say the sky is blue, the partner tells us it’s actually a multi-colored rainbow and provides websites and studies to prove it.  The partner disagrees with us with a smile on their face, which just makes us angrier.  The more we try to connect with our friend’s partner for the benefit of our friend, the more we end up disliking them.  It’s confusing how someone our friend truly likes can rub us the wrong way.

The problem now is that our friend is clearly smitten with this less-than-perfect partner, and telling her how we feel might cause turbulence in our otherwise amazing friendship.  We want to be happy for our friend and her newfound relationship, but if her partner is a loser, it takes all we have to muster some kind of smile when she talks about him nonstop.

We have to stop and think about why we actually dislike this partner.  Is it because we spent so much time together, and now our friend doesn’t come out with us as much or make as much time for us?  It’s okay to be a little jealous, but we have to learn how to cope with that.  Or is it because the partner treats our friend like garbage, and our friend tells us every little annoying thing the partner does?  We need to analyze our feelings and try to understand them.

First impressions can leave a lasting impact on how you feel about someone.  For example, if your friend’s boyfriend rubbed you the wrong way when you first met him, it may be difficult to shake that feeling.  Perhaps you think he’s a bum who lives on your friend’s couch while she supports him, which doesn’t seem like the behavior of a good boyfriend.  However, it’s important to remember that this is your best friend’s relationship, and you should try to get to know her partner better before jumping to conclusions.

Many people have made the mistake of interrupting a friend’s relationship and telling them what they think of their partner, only to be met with anger and accusations of jealousy.  To avoid this, it’s best to keep your negative opinions to yourself and try to find things about him that are pleasant.  You might even build a rapport with him that makes you more comfortable around him.

Even if this guy frustrates you, it’s important to be polite and well-mannered when you’re around him.  You don’t have to become his best friend, but you should make an effort to try and enjoy spending time with him for your friend’s sake.  Having more girl nights without him around can also be a good way to spend quality time with your friend without him being there to annoy you.  Ultimately, if you love your friend, it’s worth making an effort to accept and even like her partner.