Ballerific Relationships – Independence Day

As I stood in line at Starbucks I ear hustled..as usual. What? I can’t help it! The young lady behind me, with her left hand parked on her hip, wore a beautiful wedding ring that I noticed as soon as I turned around. Or at least what I thought was a wedding ring. The woman she was with must have followed my gaze because her eyes fell upon the ring soon after mine. “You’re married?!” she laughed.” “We’re on our way to work, right?? Don’t you think if I were married I’d still be home in my bed? Probably for the rest of the day!” A few things popped in my head after hearing her statement. First, I wondered if she was dating or looking and how many men have passed her up because she was sporting a diamond on her ring finger. Hmmm. Before that thought could completely process I was ready to sit her down and ask her a few questions. I do not knock anyone for their life choices or aspirations but I wanted to connect the dots and get a full scope of her thoughts because I’m curious like that.

When one marries, they desire and expect their marriage to last a lifetime, I get that. But what if it doesn’t? You’re going to spend time fighting in court for rights to money and homes someone else earned? Eh. I’ll pass. Even if you are not married, no, especially if you are not married, it is a wonderful thing to be able to hold your own. I have experienced a lot of things in life and few things compare to being able to take care of myself. I thoroughly enjoy being on my own time and my own dime. There is something so freeing about having the ability to spoil yourself rotten and pour into yourself whenever and however you see fit. Independence stretches far beyond finances. It is the right to make choices, it’s not missing out on that event you really want to attend because no one else wants to go and it is taking that class that everyone else thinks is a waste of time. It’s getting that bag or those shoes because you earned it no matter how much someone tries to convince you that you should have used it for a ‘better’ cause. What is better than what YOU want to do with something YOU earned? There is a quote that people just Love to throw around and I roll my eyes every time. You know the one, right? “If you aren’t feeding or financing me blah blah blah”. So, if they were feeding and financing then their opinion would in fact matter and have more weight than your own? Feeding or financing me does not earn you the right to control my thoughts, feelings or behavior. Of course I am not saying do not allow someone to relieve you of certain responsibilities or cater to your financial needs if they choose. However, being self sufficient is priceless.

While some people think being independent means having your own things I believe independence means having your own thoughts and standing your ground when the world or the people around you try to sway you. Whatever comes from that is just a bonus. Throughout my life I have tried so many things and I gave up those things when they no longer worked for me. Those things include cosmetology school, 3 years of college and over a dozen jobs. People have always thought I was crazy for letting go of ‘good’ jobs but I never thought so because I always knew I could do something GREAT. I didn’t know it then but I now  realize that I have been using independence as a weapon for most of my life. With that weapon I have killed every attempt at settling for someone else’s good enough.

What does it mean to/for you to be independent? Let’s say you snag a baller boo and he requests that you quit your job, would you? In what ways do you exercise independence within your relationship or even as a single woman?