Ballerific Relationships: No, He Doesn’t Validate Your Womanhood

When I think back on being a young girl, even as young as 5 or 6, I can remember my mom, aunts, and family friends making comments on how to “be a woman”.  Even at events like family BBQ’s my mom would lean over to me and say things like, “You always have to make your man’s plate”.  Or when I would see my parents argue and my dad would shut down, she might utter the importance of a man having his space because he works so hard and needs a woman on his side.  Or hell, nowadays them blatantly saying, “When are you going to get married and have kids??”

So many of us were taught that what makes you a woman is your role in a man’s life, what you can offer him, do for him, and how he treats you.  We look to get “wifed” because it’s like we’re finally getting validated.  Like someone is saying, “Hey, you’re a good enough woman so I choose you”.  And, that thought process is totally trash.

It’s unfair to hold men and women to different gender standards and expect things to work fine.  No one pushes men to know how to build houses or assemble…anything, for that matter. And most importantly, they don’t feel like less than a man for not having a woman to do these things for.

When you’re taught that a man validates your womanhood, it makes you feel like you’re not a woman without a man.  I see so many women approaching 30 that don’t know what the hell they actually want with their lives that doesn’t involve men. INCLUDING kids, which is a big one.  Ladies, we gotta fight biology (wtf)! I know its hard, but you have to do you, babygirl.  If not, you’re going to be sooooo unhappy, and looking like a maid.

Are you wrong for you feelings? NO! I’d be lying if I told you it doesn’t make me happy to cater to my man.  Yes, it feels good to be the one to make him tea in the morning, or rub his back when he’s sick.  But, the only thing that will validate you is you doing something for yourself.

Here are a few things that can help you jump start your way back to YOU 🙂

1. PLAN A TRIP. Women looooove looking forward to things.  Come up with cool activities for you and your girls, buy new outfits, its lit.

2. FORCE YOURSELF INTO A HOBBY. Yes, force yourself! Don’t just say you’re going to do yoga, literally get your ass up and do it!

3.  EDUCATE YOURSELF.  Whether its going back to school or taking a painting class.  Learn something new.  Sometimes it can lead you into things you didn’t even know you were into.

4.  SPEND TIME ALONE.  You have to learn how to be okay being by yourself, and start to enjoy it.  You can be your own best friend.  This is also the time for self-reflection and prayer.

Good luck on that journey to self fulfillment! Share your thoughts and stories!