Break-ups are never easy. Someone is still very much involved in the relationship while the other party has exited without warning. Sometimes one individual continually does things that compromise the relationship. Other times you are just fed up entirely with the situation. While most of us can end relationships like adults, there are occasions when your petty bone requires you to get even or at the very least shatter someone’s hope for tomorrow. I don’t recommend doing any of these things, but if you choose to do it, eh… be my guest.
1.) This first tip comes from one of my colleagues. Cook his farewell meal. Nothing says shattered dreams like a home cooked meal and an unsuspected break-up. Dig deep into your repertoire and pull out that classic that you only cook for special occasions. I suggest soul food. It’s hearty and comforting.
2.) Lock her out of her accounts. While she was playing #BluesClues looking through your phone, she forgot her passwords were stored on your Macbook. Slide in there and change them. If you want to take the petty up to the next level, change the password and finger print on her phone as well. You already know her passcode.
3.) Pull a #BrandonPreveau . Buy a junk car, place it in your soon- to-be ex’s name without his/her knowledge. Park it at the airport in an restricted area and let it accrue months of parking violations from the city. How does $105,761.80 worth sound? Sounds pettyrific.
4.) Send a Ball Python to the crib. When in doubt, take a page from #EricBurrows book of petty. What’s better than calling your ex a snake? Sending them one! When Burrows ex moved out of their home and in less than a month had a new relationship, the 37 year old Elkhart Lake man shipped a ball python to her home. A snake for a snake.
Personally, being direct is always the best way to go, but I can not lie, every now and again, you have to be petty.
(This was written with humor in mind…)
-Niko Rose
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