Ballerific Relationships – Sailing Solo

When I left my office yesterday I had two things in mind: Food and a cocktail. I opted to skip the food and went straight for the cocktail. I’d been wanting to try a bar by my house for a while and wandered my way in, finally. I scanned the place as I climbed my way onto the too high swivel stool and noticed the place was filled with couples or small groups of people engaging and chatting away. The bartender sauntered over to me and asked “Do you want to order now or wait for your date?” I chuckled a bit before placing my order and informing her that I was not awaiting a date or any company at all for that matter. I got a lot of stares and the occasional raised eyebrows that I’ve become used to at this point. It reminded me of an episode of ‘Girlfriends’ when Joan, the serial dater (and saboteur) was urged to embrace being single. She did so reluctantly of course. Joan ended up at a restaurant she’d been dying to go to but kept putting off for the perfect date night. The waiter made it painfully obvious that she was dining alone after his shock wore off and the couple at the table next to her assumed she was being stood up. Because, you know, being single is the worst thing in the world and you aren’t allowed to be seen in public without a mate. It’s against the law in at least 27 states.

Single. It is not something to get through or deal with because it is not a sickness or disorder. Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t all faking it when we say we are happily single and some people take full advantage of this time in their life. When people hear how long I have been single they seem appalled. Even my 8 year old niece has said “Why aren’t you with anyone? What is wrong with you?? Everyone has someone except you. I’m only 8 and even I have a boyfriend!”. Now what now?! I spent the weekend watching some of her favorite Disney shows with her and I exaggerate not, every episode of this particular show was in some way about a young girl going to extreme measures to gain the affections of some knuckle head boy. Every. Single. Episode. Is this what we are exposing our girls to? I mean, it’s nothing new but you don’t really catch things like that as a child. Not consciously anyway. Instead, we soak it up and unknowingly form ideas of relationships and how we should act. Even in our own homes we are groomed to one day be appealing to the opposite sex and learn tricks to bait them. We are taught to be “lady like” because men don’t settle down with women who aren’t. Don’t do this, don’t say that, don’t eat this all in the hope of being chose. Please.

At this point in my life, I embrace my status as a single woman as it is what is best for me for the time being. I spent the first few years of being single pining away for someone and mourning a relationship that was over before it even started. When I came to terms with that I took the time to heal and rebuild. Now that I am in a much healthier place mentally and emotionally I LOVE that I have the time to focus on me and ONLY me. I am relieved that I don’t have to tend to the emotional, physical, spiritual or financial needs of a partner. I don’t have to consider anyone’s feelings about moving 716 miles away from my hometown in a few months and risk staying behind because they refuse to tag along. I can focus on my career and not feel as if I am neglecting my mate by working so much. I appreciate those lazy Saturday’s where I eat Trader Joe’s Cookie and CoCoa Swirl directly from the Jar as I watch Lifetime or a ‘Sex and the City’ marathon. Nobody is around demanding my time or attention or misunderstanding my need for me time that I appreciate more and more by the day. It just.. works.Do I feel lonely sometimes and wish I had someone special? Sure, I’m human. Do I want to fall in Love and be with someone.. THEE one? I absolutely do! However, I am not spending every waking moment awaiting their arrival or postponing life until Love comes along.

There is nothing wrong with being single and definitely nothing wrong with dating yourself. Get dolled up and spray on your favorite perfume and hit a fancy restaurant. Go on that horse and carriage ride, to the museum or take that trip you’ve been wanting to take. Spend time learning and Loving on yourself and enjoy the benefits. Love is a beautiful thing but life still happens in the mean time.

Do you embrace your single status or do you dread it? What is your favorite thing about being single?