Ballerific Relationships: Stop Giving Your Bestie Bad Advice

We’ve all received that urgent “CODE RED” call from our best friend, who’s in tears, overwhelmed, and distressed over her relationship. Regardless of the time or what’s happening in our lives, we make it a point to be there for her, offering a sympathetic ear and advice during her time of need.

However, not all advice is beneficial. Ill-advised suggestions can strain the friendship or leave your best friend even more upset than before seeking your guidance. To prevent this, here are four tips on what to avoid when offering advice to your bestie.

1. Refrain From Urging Her to Break Up: Unless she’s in physical danger or her well-being is at risk, avoid telling her to end the relationship. It’s crucial she makes that decision herself. While it’s okay to express that she deserves better or to share concerns about her partner, pushing her to leave him isn’t advisable. Imagine if she follows your advice and later feels sad and lonely. You can’t replace the joy he brought her, and you have your own life to manage. You wouldn’t want her to hold you responsible for her loneliness or regret.
2. Don’t Offer to Mediate Their Conflict: As much as you want to defend her and confront her partner about how he’s hurt her, it’s not your place. It’s her relationship, and any changes need to come from her actions, not yours. Plus, as her best friend, your bias makes you as emotionally involved as she is, which doesn’t position you to make unbiased decisions.
3. Avoid Suggesting Revenge: Seeking revenge isn’t a constructive solution. While it might temporarily soothe her feelings, damaging property or acting out in anger won’t stop the root issues. Encourage her to process her emotions calmly and think through her actions before reacting impulsively.
4. Discourage Immediate Confrontation: Acting on emotions during a peak of anger rarely leads to positive outcomes. Instead of encouraging her to confront her partner immediately or instigate an argument, suggest she takes time to cool down and think about a sensible approach to address the issue.

Next time you respond to a “CODE RED” distress call, ensure your affection for your best friend doesn’t overshadow your judgment. Steer clear of these pitfalls and offer thoughtful, constructive advice instead.