Ballerific Relationships: The Baby Boy Effect – blogged by: @thewisegem

Love sucks.  There is no manual or handbook to help you along the way but, it sure seems like there are a million obstacles to overcome in order to have the “ideal” situation.  One of the biggest challenges women face is dealing with a man who has yet to grow up and the mother who failed to raise him. While all the blame doesn’t belong to one person, some of you women have done your sons and the women who love them no favors along the way.  This fact alone is one of the reasons why the movie Baby Boy is such a “hood” classic.  Here’s a few facts about the Baby Boy Effect:

FACT:

He was never taught to be responsible because, mothers raise their daughters and love their sons.  By nature, women are nurturers and are taught early to be responsible, dependable, resourceful, and anticipate the needs of others. Meanwhile, a lot of boys are hardly forced to be accountable for picking their dirty socks up off the floor.

FACT:

He always gets what he wants.  Here’s the thing; as a rule of thumb, only good behavior should be rewarded right? If this is true then, while you thought it was ok to let your son rock the newest Jordans, play on the latest game system, wear clothes you can’t really afford to buy with less than average grades, poor manners and no respect for authority; you taught him that it doesn’t matter what he does or doesn’t do, if he wants it he should have it.  As an adult, this makes for such a crappy trait and is a character flaw in relationships because, once he is required to act a certain way he seeks the nearest person to give him what he wants without having to do anything for it.

FACT:

He’s selfish.  All you ever thought about was making your little baby boy happy.  It was never required that he did anything for you or anyone else.  Sure, he knows how to be charming, how to butter you up and get you to give into his demands but, he rarely does anything that is not to his personal gain or benefit. Well, thank you.  You’ve successfully created the kinda guy who seeks to take anything a woman has to offer; her time, her money and her affection until she has nothing left to give.

FACT:

You are always there for your son.  Therefore making it nearly impossible for him to learn how to navigate life on his own two feet as a man.  He will forever be your “boy” looking to you for the answers, as a fixer to his mess, the problem solver.  He will be grown with random children and still looking to you to do laundry, give him money, pay a bill etc.

FACT:

He blames everyone else for his life’s failures but himself.  Mainly because you taught him that he doesn’t have to do the right thing because, you will always make it right. Look, boys need to learn responsibility, accountability, sacrifice, maturity, respect, consequences and humility and as a man, they should know how to apply those values.  Your son will NOT become a man overnight but you need to give him the tools necessary to be able to use when it’s time.  Some of these guys don’t stand a chance of ever becoming productive men while they are still attached to the bosom of their mothers and ultimately latch onto the hip of the women they sleep with.

-Chantia

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