Ballerific Relationships: The Disrespect Is Not Needed- blogged by @niksofly

There is no right or easy way for me to approach this. I would think as a society we have progressed past the labeling  of one’s skin color, but a recent peruse of social media proved otherwise. I have written on colorism from two perspectives, with the inclusion of my own experience and a very liberal perspective that I’ve met time and time again. And it is still here at the quandary that I am very much perplexed by the reckless implementation of it and its lineage (hypocrisy and self-hatred).

I saw a social media post that stated (and I paraphrase)  that “while black men are acting as if something is wrong with black women, black women are getting wifed by the non-black male counterparts of the women black men are pursuing”.  Immediately following the post, there was a comment about “him [white men]” having her ‘argumentative a$$’ “ followed by a comment saying “she [black women] don’t like to submit” and further elaboration that black women alter themselves to fit “European standards” and what I deduced as placing the onus on black women for their[black men] attraction and preference. All of which I call “bull” on.

The problem I have with this issue is that, as an individual, you are entitled to be attracted to and prefer whomever you see fit. As stated many times throughout my life, I have preferences and attractions to certain characteristics and attributes : Education, Financial Stability, Height, among Faith and other things that I don’t waver from. However, the difference is, I don’t feel the need to 1) justify my preferences and 2) insult a certain demographic to enable my justification.

The issue arises when individuals do the aforementioned. We all know love knows no color and we can’t help being attracted to the things that we find appealing, but knowing that never seems to translate. It is lost in the constant communication of derogatory remarks.  Why is that acceptable and comfortable for some? Do they not realize that speaking negatively on black women includes their mothers, sisters and daughters. Respectable women didn’t stop being born after their mother and if it did, it sure as ever didn’t regain momentum at the birth of their sisters and daughters. I’m pretty sure if we did some digging, there is a woman of questionable character in these men past, but somehow they negate that little bit of information.   Ratchet, hood, good for nothing, argumentative,  women of ill reputation are apparent in every demographic. It’s not a black woman thing and definitely not a darker tone black woman thing (as I have noticed that most attribute that to women with richer amounts of melanin).  If anything it is a weak-mind and inadequate thing. Those that don’t have adequate knowledge of self  project insecurities and degradation onto others. Those that don’t have the gall to stand in their truth use degradation as a mechanism of leverage. Simply put, those that constantly speak negatively of others have to downplay others to make themselves and choices seem better. If you truly are attracted and prefer others, then that is your truth. That is your right, but when you downplay women to qualify your choice, than your choice is not yours, but merely an attempt for you to fit into whatever paradigm you are following. 

Riddle me this, when did black women become intolerable? Was it after being on the frontcline with you or some other time? Why is it necessary to demean them? Does it make you feel better? Does it increase the popular view of your choice?  Why is she made to feel guilty for being born as a black woman? She has the same features you possess, but  you despise her. She has endured the same struggle on your side and never has faltered, yet she appears “not good enough” for you. You tell her your choice is merely preference, but she is ridiculed for her choice.

The world already has it’s foot on her neck. She is black and she is a woman. She doesn’t need the help of your antics to further suppress her greatness. She doesn’t need the “you’re different” qualifiers or “pretty for a dark skin girl” statements. You can miss her on the privilege sentiments “ I normally don’t date, but”. She is good on your sympathy. What she wants and demand is your respect. The same respect that you give your mother and the same respect that you want the world to give your daughter.

-Niko Rose