Ballerific Relationships – We All Can Get Along

You are a secure woman, and rightfully you should be. You have your shit together and he knows it. You are confident and you never get intimidated by other women who may or may not still be checking on your man. Yet, the only woman who you feel is reigning queen slightly gets you out of your hook up. She gets right up underneath your skin, that thick layer, the layer that those other chicks cant even seem to cut through. This woman has you giving your man the side eye although you “trust” him. The fun snatcher herself, the undertaker, the dark cloud that hovers over your relationship, his karma, its his Baby Momma.

You don’t know what its like to deal with the Baby Momma until you are in love with a man that has one. And because you love him, you’ll love anything he produces and any situation that he introduces. Yes, she the mother of his child(ren) whom may have once held a position. Call her what you want: Baby Momma, The Situation or The Mother of his child…..Tomatoe Tomato! She may no longer be sexually or emotionally involved with him for what ever reason. Nevertheless, she will be apart of his life forever because they share a child together. And as long as you are with him, she will be apart of your life as well. You don’t have to deal with her nor do you have to invite her over for margaritas during girls night. The term Baby Momma always carries negative stigma attached to it: crazy, bitter and desperate. Ideally, these things cause a strain in the way they parent their child. Co-parenting happens to be one of the most challenging and unsuccessful parts of parenting in some cases. And if you aren’t a parent ( usually his current girlfriend is not) you may have a hard time grasping the concept. If your man confides in you and tell you the stipulations of their relationship, its highly recommended that you trust his word. All guys aren’t looking to get back with their Baby Momma. He has moved on. And being that you can only believe half of what you see and none of what you hear, listen to your intuition and watch closely at their relationship. You be the judge.

So why is the new girlfriend feeling insecure? She knows that his Baby Momma can call him at any given time and rain on her parade. She can call him in the wee hours of the night, during a romantic date and even during Sunday worship hours. Yes, whenever the hell she pleases just to get baby formula, diapers or to ask about last months child support that he didn’t pay! She always has a reason. You can never determine whether the reason is valid or not because in fact it isn’t your place. Some women don’t carry that name with them because it isn’t something that describes them. She may not want him, she too has moved on with her life and is only concerned with the most important person in the situation, the child. Some women are spiteful and uses the child as a pawn and those women are known to be a Baby Momma. She knows that he is dating someone so she purposely causes conflict to either ruin your plans, ruin your relationship or to ruin your self-esteem. It’s her way of paying him back for not choosing her, building a family with her and or not being the best father he can be. She doesn’t want him to be happy because she cant be happy….with him. This is the reason why fathers try to keep everything at a happy medium with his Baby Momma because he is in fear that he wont be able to see his child if he doesn’t pacify her. It may be with money, sex, or material things. This is unhealthy for both relationships, theirs and yours. I’ve come up with several different points that may help give some balance to your relationship and to give you all some sense of security.

Be Cordial– Always remain pleasant. Speak and keep it moving. This shows that you aren’t intimidated at all by the power she think she has. And because it’s the lady-like thing to do.

Respect- There has to be boundaries set. Respect is important for both parties. Respect what they have but make sure that she respects you as well.

Show Interest- Allow her to see that you interact with the child and can offer positive values. Show no jealousy towards the time that your man spends with his child. This makes you look as if you really don’t care about that big part of him.

Focus on your own relationship– Know your position as girlfriend or step mom. Never overstep those boundaries. Understand that you are not the child’s mother when it comes to discipline. This too could cause some unwanted friction between you and your man.