Ballerific Relationships: What Being Single Has Taught Me – blogged by: @proudlylauren

Being single was definitely new to me up until a year ago, when I ended a three year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life.  Before that I was in a four year relationship, so being single was not only new to me, but scary as well.  At first, it was depressing; getting out of bed was hard, eating was hard, hell EVERYTHING was difficult. But fast forward to a year today, I’m still single, but strong enough to get out of the bed, and write this post for you all. So here’s what I learned in my year of being single.

• Time is a miracle 

When I was newly single, I was for sure that I would be depressed until my next boyfriend. Everyday was a struggle from eating, to sleeping, and even being productive. But I began to notice after the first week, that with each day, things get easier to accept. What used to have you doubled over in tears a month ago, will eventually be a laughing matter with time. So, if you have nothing left to depend on, trust that time will bring you through, and will be your beacon light through your healing process.

• People come and go, and there is nothing you can do to make them stay

In an ideal world, everyone that we liked would stay in our lives and never leave us. But this isn’t an ideal world and liking someone isn’t reason enough for them to stay. People exit our lives for different reasons out of our control, which is why making them stay is also out of our control. Learn to differentiate between the people that are temporary and permanent, and allocate your energy accordingly.

• Pick and Choose my Battles

When I was in relationship, I was extremely combative, wanting to confront every single issue head on. Soon after I was single, I noticed all the energy I saved by not confronting every issue, and simply staying calm. Everything doesn’t have to be addressed and when you do address them, you don’t have to combative in your approach.

• Being Alone is a learning experience

Going from focusing on someone else everyday, to only having yourself to focus on, frees up a lot of time for you to learn new things. Learn about other people, other interests, learn more about yourself. Basically just take advantage of the all the free time, and become better in tune with whatever you want.

• You are Your #1 Supporter

When in a relationship, its easy to think that your success, or good fortune is caused or at least helped by your significant other. But when you’re single, you have no one else to look to for motivation or support, but yourself. You have to be the one to tell yourself to get up and attack another day, you have to remind yourself of your goals, and make sure you stay on track. Forcing yourself to be accountable, and supportive, will ensure you don’t get stagnant and stay productive. 

 At some point you will be married for the rest of your life, so if you’re single now, make the best of it! Being alone isn’t as bad as you think and will allow the time and space you need to start healing and learning new things.