Ever meet someone who was in a relationship, fully committed but never really knew who they were? They never knew what defined them, they had no idea who their identity was aside from the significant other of their significant other. They define themselves by their partner. For example:
“Hi, I’m Michelle, my boyfriend is such and such and he plays professional basketball, there fore I am a basketball wife.”
And that about sums up their identity. I believe that in order to maintain and establish a healthy relationship, it requires two WHOLE people, (emphasis on the whole) not one person who has an identity and another that uses that to tag along, in a form of speaking. This tag along brings nothing to the table and when asked what they wake up in the morning for, what gets them out of bed, what is the reason they breathe, they are stumped.
In order for you to know you’re worth and your value, you need to know, accept and love who you are, alone. Not because you date such and such from whatever team. If your choice is to date whatever baller you want, that is fine but unless you’ve found yourself, you do not contribute much to the relationship. I don’t believe that anyone that goes into a relationship and cant define their own passions and goals cant say “hi, im Sasha and I work for _____ company, my passion is art and I hope to expand on it and make it my full time career someday. This person brings their own agenda and has less of a likely chance to become clingy and dependent on their other half to fulfill the whole in their life.
Not everyone is fortunate enough to ever really find what they are passionate about, some people search and search for years doing menial jobs when they know and feel inside that there is something in them that hasn’t been fulfilled. But once you do, if you do, it makes you happy. It makes you rise out of bed with a smile on your face and it gives you constant hope and happiness. It could be anything from writing, to producing music, to singing. Anything that gives you that fire that stems from deep in your soul. Anything that gives you that natural high and if you have a passion, you know exactly what that high is. You’re in the clouds and your heart is beating and your ears are ringing and life Is just perfect.
I used to say that if I had one wish it would be to be permanently happy. But ive realized that you have to learn how to make every day a happy day. That happiness isn’t so much a feeling but more like an action, something that you practice. It’s easy to have a bad day, its easy to be sad, but its hard to always practice happiness. Happiness ties into your passion in the sense that it brings you this joy that almost nothing in the world can. With this happiness and passion, you become whole. You know who the hell you are and you don’t need anyone else to define you. You are you and you appreciate that, you congratulate yourself for all of your achievements and no one can tell you any different.
I feel that as long as you are lost, and unhappy because of not knowing who you are, you cannot bring to the table what a healthy partnership needs; two whole people. As long as you continue to define yourself as the significant other of someone else, you will always be in that persons shadow.
Think of a relationship as a pot luck dinner for two. If you bring nothing to the table and just bask in the food that the other person brings, you feel empty as if you did not contribute, because you didn’t. Make sure that you find yourself and accept yourself. Work on you before you go out there and search for a man so that no one ever has to tell you “Oh, you’re just HIS girl.”