Change or Not to Change: Changing Last Names After Marriage

Marriage, with all its beauty and romance, brings a slew of life-altering decisions that extend far beyond the shimmer of an engagement ring or the magic of a proposal. From the logistics of home buying to the financial implications of prenups and joint accounts, the journey involves much more than meets the eye.

Yet, amidst these shared decisions, there’s a deeply personal choice many women face alone: whether to retain their maiden name or adopt their husband’s surname. While ideally, this decision remains the woman’s prerogative, it often becomes a point of contention, with some men expressing strong opinions on the matter. The notion that a woman’s choice to keep her maiden name could be offensive to her future spouse is a testament to the deep-rooted traditions that have long governed marital identities.

There was a time when women were legally bound to relinquish their last names upon marriage, embodying the principle that a married couple constituted a single entity—the husband. This patriarchal view relegated women to the sidelines of legal and property rights. It wasn’t until 1972 that American women legally gained the right to maintain their maiden names after tying the knot.

Despite this progress, societal norms have been slow to evolve. In the US, the tradition of women taking their husband’s last names remains predominant, with research indicating that 90% of American women change their surnames post-marriage. Astonishingly, half of the American population believes it should be illegal for a woman to keep her maiden name.

Beyond the cultural and sentimental arguments lies a deeper conversation about identity. For some, a last name is a badge of heritage and lineage. It can signify one’s roots, as in the case of a woman of Haitian descent named Berthelot marrying into the Johnson family, potentially diluting her connection to her ancestry. There’s also the emotional aspect of feeling detached from one’s family tree, a concern that resonates deeply with those who cherish their familial bonds.

So, what’s the right choice? Ultimately, it boils down to personal preference and how one’s name aligns with their identity. The decision to change, hyphenate, or retain one’s maiden name post-marriage is as individual as the relationship itself.