Social media has become a game changer when it comes to dating. Instagram, Facebook, and other social media platforms profoundly influence our dating norms and formations. Nowadays, we get to know people based on what we see and not what they tell us.
With that being said, when you meet a potential love interest, do you swap social media information? If so, do you do pre-dating research? According to a 2018 survey of 2000 Americans, 77% admitted to researching their potential date, employee screening, and background check company JDP reported.
Although experts say a “little” investigating is normal, many overindulge. The days of “slowly” getting to know someone are fading because many jump to find out info by digging through stuff posted online. It’s easy to find out a person’s job, their ex, and the car they drive, thanks to social media. Next thing you know, you’re on a date “acting” surprised when they tell you their mother’s name.
It’s also called “social media stalking,” an act that lessens the uncertainty about someone. On the plus side, looking through a love prospect’s social media before dating can quickly identify dealbreakers. For example, if you see the person has an interest that’s a “hard no” for you, you can save yourself time and heartache by moving forward.
However, there are several downsides to pre-dating research. For one, people rely heavily on the info they find and form judgments, forgetting social media can be misleading or taken out of context. Many users curate an image that’s not a reality of who they actually are, which could be good or bad.
Pre-date research can also be problematic because it removes elements of intrigue and mystery. It also eliminates the realness in the discovering stages needed to keep the relationship thriving.
Lastly, social media plays a huge role in forming relationship disillusions. For example, if the person posts fancy cars, expensive trips, and luxury items, you may end up dating them for those reasons and not because you like them. And if they don’t post it, you could pass on dating a good person.
Whatever signs you’re looking for, they will surface as the person opens up to you. You’ll be able to get a more accurate picture of who they really are than going off their social media.
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I’m an older millennial. I keep it ole school. I automatically say no to exchanging socials. I give the person my #. And I encourage meeting up in person more so than texting or using other communication platforms. I have learned, it’s just better to feel a person’s vibe, their energy. I’ll know if we should move forward. I don’t need to know a bunch of someone’s business. It’s time consuming and truly I need to intuitively just feel a person out.
My spidey senses will tell me enough to continue to engage someone. Also, exchanging socials is really invasive. I’ve had ppl trying to add my friends, researching from friends, etc. I don’t want someone to get to know me like that, when I don’t even know if I like this person enough to continue. I find exchanging socials too invasive.
Meeting in real life, feeling a person intuitively/energetically, their pheromones, their voice, their smell, their mannerisms, their in person engagement/conversation, their quirks, their nervousness, etc. All those things, you can’t depend on media platforms to deliver.
The most research I do is, if I know the person’s full name, more or less their geographic residence, I’ll google them quickly to see what pops. But that’s about it. I meet people in public. If I do go on a date, I do ask to see their ID. A lot of people are moonlighting as single when they’re married or in a relationship. After I see the ID, then I do further research, if I feel I want to continue.
People want connection & love, but there are so many people who are lying about who they are, what are their intentions, etc. Even with all that, I still trust myself with exchanging phone #s over socials.