How Do You Meet A Man When “The H*es” Keep Taking Them All?

Here’s another one of those blogs about the “good girl” comparing herself to the “other girl” and why the comparisons are problematic. This isn’t an advice blog, but more so a conversation piece that will hopefully shed a little light on why the comparisons make absolutely no sense.

Earlier in the week I wrote about “good girls” comparing themselves to “hoes” and trying to compete in a race that was not meant for them. As the discussion went on, many women mentioned that the issue they have with “hoes” is that men seem to choose them over their good girl counterparts. While this is grossly untrue and says a lot about the type of men you are vying for, I couldn’t help but wonder, where is the disconnect. 

Ok ladies, let me break it down to you; not all men want a woman who dresses a certain way, acts a certain way, etc. Some men do, some men don’t. Stop chasing after the men that do. That’s Step #1.  Why would you want them anyway? By chasing after these types of men, are you not doing the exact same thing they are doing?   Listen ladies, Not all men want a half naked woman and you don’t have to be half-naked for a man to find you attractive. Not all men like non-black girls. Not all men have a preference between light skin and dark skin girls. Not all men like skinny girls with big butts. Every man likes what he likes and they don’t have secret meetings to come up with that ONE particular taste they must all share. In other words ladies, we have to GROW UP. When you complain about a man’s preference, you’re doing nothing but telling the world that you don’t personally feel worthy of his attention. You do that so often that you start to believe it, then from then on out, you don’t talk to men because you feel intimidated. You feel like there’s no way he could possibly like you, you’re not “that type.” You miss out on a good thing, a good opportunity, because in your mind you have psyched yourself out. You’ve told yourself that there is no possible way that a man that fine could want a girl like you. Meanwhile, he’s probably looking for a girl JUST like you. And if you find that often times he’s not, consider expanding your horizons as well. Maybe the real problem is the type of man you’re going for. 

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s discuss dating. You are a good girl. You’re in college. You keep your head in your books and have given up social gatherings all together because frankly, you’re “too old, too busy and too smart for that sh*t.” So where are you supposed to meet a man? Is he supposed to break into your house in the middle of the night, sweep you off your feet and profess his love for you before you call 911? You don’t leave the house to meet new people, you criticize those who actually do, yet complain you can’t meet anyone new. Now, I’m not saying you should spend 3 days a week in the club, but there are a million of other places you can spend some time if you’re interested in meeting new friends and possibly new lovers.

The fact is, in order to meet new people (friends or otherwise), you must attract them. Some women have been blessed with amazing beauty, so they use it to their advantage by posting photos on social media. They have a huge following because of this. That following includes men who would like to get to “know” them better. Maybe watching Youtube tutorials about how to contour/highlight and get your eyebrows on fleek aren’t your thing. Maybe you’d rather post inspirational quotes than selfies, that’s awesome; but can you truly complain when it doesn’t go down in your DM?

There are other women who have an incredible personality and can use that for their advantage. People like to hear their views on things. They may not be what social media considers “dimes” but their personality is so crazy that men can’t help but gravitate towards them. They’re outgoing, funny, infectious, and the life of the party. These women can fall under either “the good girl” or “the hoe” category and guess what, men love them just the same. You could be this woman, but what good is it if you don’t put that on display somehow? Somehow someone has to see that you exude the qualities. Whether it be in person or on social media. 

What never works is the girl who says “I’m too busy for a man” but in the next breath complains about the supposed “type” of women that men go for. The women who complain about the type of woman a man likes are problematic. Why? Because you are projecting your insecurities, instead of finding ways to make you work for YOU. If you try for a man and he’s not interested, move on. Don’t take it to heart. Realize that HE is the one who missed out on someone amazing, not you. If he prefers a woman who does not share the morals you do, that’s fine. That doesn’t effect your life whatsoever and you shouldn’t allow it to.  This is another reason we should stop comparing ourselves to other women; whether in lifestyle or in love. We must learn to run our own race or we’ll miss out on our prize.