How To Know If This Is Just A Booty Call

You know the situation…Many females do.  You start dealing with someone without having the “what are you looking for?” conversation first.  You find yourself in a ‘more than friends but not exactly dating’ type of situation.  If you find the guy you are dealing with displaying one or more of the following behaviors, it is very possible that you are just a short term goal for him:

1) He only hangs out with you late night

This is probably the most obvious sign.  By hanging out with you during ‘normal’ hours (e.g. before 10 p.m.), he is giving you the impression that he wants to spend real quality time with you.  A man who can only chill with you late night is only looking for one thing.  The later he hangs out with you, the closer he is to getting some action…and the less time and money he has to spend on you.  This guy will probably invite you over to “chill” at his place to watch a movie and drink a few beers but won’t make actual plans with you.  He might even make plans with you early in the week, then when the time comes make some excuse why he can’t see you until later that evening.  One guy actually told me he couldn’t hang out until later at night because he was going to go out for his brother’s birthday on 3 different occasions, meanwhile he only had 2 brothers! If he’s really interested in you, he will wine and dine and impress you.  A dude that doesn’t do that obviously doesn’t care what you think of him.

2) He doesn’t bring you around family/friends 

Obviously, you are not going to be introduced to his friends and especially not family in the VERY beginning.  He has to first feel you out and see where it is going with you.  However, if after a couple of months, you still have never met any of his friends or family, chances are he does not look at you as WIFEY potential.  He might bring you around some of his boys because they know the deal and will never blow up his spot.  But he will not introduce you to family if he does not see a future with you.  Introducing you to family also gives you the wrong message.  It makes you think you are in a relationship with him and he really cares about you.  If his time with you is always separate from time with the most important people in his life, there is a big chance you are not in his future plans.

3) Strictly business

Another key sign that you are just a booty call is if there is a low level of intimacy during sex.  A guy who is not looking to get serious with you will usually not kiss you during sex.  He might kiss your neck and body, but not your lips.  Kissing is very intimate and personal.  He will also almost always put you in less intimate positions during sex, like doggy style.  This decreases the amount of eye contact, another intimate part of sex.  There will also be no cuddling after sex. If after you have sex with him, he is getting dressed or turns his back and goes straight to sleep without first hugging/cuddling, chances are there is no emotional connection.

4) He doesn’t call you, only text messages

Look, nowadays, most people communicate via text messaging because it is easier and more convenient, especially when you have a busy schedule.  It also allows you to avoid the awkwardness of having to call someone you just started talking to.  But at some point, he is going to want to have a real live conversation with you, whether it is to ask how your day was or just to say good night.  He is going to miss you and will want to hear your voice, hear you laugh at his corny jokes.  So if you’ve been dealing with each other for a few months now and he still has never once called you, not even to say good night, chances are he does not have an emotional connection to you.  He is avoiding the connection and intimacy of a live conversation and he is also avoiding being put on the spot by you.  God forbid you ask him where the relationship is headed or how he feels about you, he will have to be quick on his toes to think of a good response.  But with texting, he has time to formulate the perfect answer and can even say he never got the message.  If you ask him to call you and he doesn’t, something is not right.

5) He doesn’t give you concrete answers

If a guy is genuinely interested in you, trust me he will find a way to tell you or at least show you.  He would tell you that he likes you, he will send you flowers, take you out to your favorite restaurant, anything.  If you ask him where you stand with him and he gives you vague responses like, “I don’t want to rush into anything right now” or “Let’s see where it goes”, he is letting you know that you might not be in his future plans.  If you try to make plans with him and he doesn’t commit to them, for example, “I’ll have to get back to you later in the week” or “There is a chance that I won’t be able to make it”, this usually means he is waiting to see if anything else comes up that he would rather do (no pun intended). Then you can’t get mad at him because he never promised you that he would go.  When a guy is really interested in you, he will do everything in his power to see you. Trust me, he WILL break plans with his boys or cousins to hang out with you if he likes you.  He does not want to give you the opportunity to hang out with another guy or to forget about him.  This guy might distance himself from you once you start pressuring him about the status of the relationship, then pick things up again once the heat lowers.