I Know When That Hotline Bling: How To Effectively Toot It & Boot It

It’s a misconception that men are the only ones that participate in the act of “One Night Stands”. I will go on the record, in front of all of you, to tell you that this definitely is not true! Far too often to do people think that women don’t participate in the “hit it and quit it” because we may become attached and fall in love. Fact is, many women have perfected it, and that doesn’t necessarily make them a hoe. It’s okay to enjoy sex, even if you have no intentions of settling down. So for those ladies, here are a few tips on how to make his hotline bling, even if you only want one thing.

10 Ways To Effectively Toot It And Boot It…

Rule #1 – Don’t give 100%: Never give the guy the good good on the first night. If your intentions for this rendezvous is to make sure it is short lived, make sure you are careful with how you hit him with your “dougie”. Giving him great sex runs the risk of him becoming attached. Thus running the risk of him calling, and maybe even wanting to start a relationship! Give him JUST enough so that you get yours and maaaaaaybe he gets his. Save the good good for your man!

Rule #2 – Let it be understood: Before you go into the situation, make sure it is understood to your partner and most importantly yourself that this is a one night gig. Miscommunication can definitely put a damper on things and you don’t want that to happen. If you have any inkling that you and your one night stand are not on the same page, make sure you catch him up to speed.

Rule #3 – Avoid a lot of kissing: Let’s face it, you don’t know WHERE his mouth has been so definitely avoid kissing someone you don’t plan on seeing again. You’re going to have a hell of a time trying to track him down when those test results come back positive so play it safe. 

Rule #4 – Play it safe: If you don’t plan on having any future dealings with a man, use a condom. There are a few ways lack of condom use can end, and a couple of those ways end in an unwanted phone call. Wrap it up!

Rule #5 – Don’t attempt one night stands with someone who has feelings for you: That says it all! If someone has feelings for you and you don’t share those emotions, avoid sex. I don’t care how good you heard the peen is, just avoid it at all costs unless you want a stalker on your hands!

Rule #6 – Don’t bother getting to know them: If this is someone you truly plan on only smashing once, or maybe twice at the most, there’s absolutely no point in getting to know them. Who cares about their life goals, favorite food or their hobbies. Don’t exchange numbers, hell, don’t even tell me your last name. All I want to know is how big is it, do you go down and what time will you be over.

Rule #7 – Leave no evidence: Many people (especially celebrities) tend to leave evidence and this is what gets them in trouble, especially if they are cheating on their mate. Never leave evidence. Don’t send provocative pics, don’t record sex tapes, and don’t leave any articles of clothing around anyone who you don’t intend on seeing again. You never know what they’ll do with that information.

Rule #8 – Get up and GO!: That’s right, when the deed is done, get up and go! Don’t stick around for a shower, forget cuddling, don’t talk, don’t even cook him breakfast. This is not a sleep over, just toot it and boot it. This night should end with either you going home or you kicking him out!

Rule #9 – Do it in a mutual place: Avoid going to his house or having sex at yours, your best bet is to get a hotel and do the deed there. An even better idea, if you never want to see this person again, avoid one night stands in your city. Out of town flings are far more successful.

Rule #10 – Keep it quick: Save the all nighters for someone you care about. Last thing you need is being halfway through a three hour session and a spouse walking in. There’s no need for a one night stand to do anything more than give you the quick nut you were in search of. Everything else is just extra. You can find a boo if you want extra.