Suppose your significant other came to you asking for a threesome; what would your response be? While some may be down for sexual exploration, others’ stomachs may turn at the thought of someone touching their boo.
A Ménage à trois is one of America’s most common sexual fantasies, according to Kinsey’s Institute sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller, who surveyed 4,175 individuals (aged 18 to 87) and found that 95% of men and 87% of women said they had fantasized about sex with multiple partners.
The study also found that it’s a fantasy “that was least likely to turn out well.” There isn’t a playbook on three ways, but there are many things to consider, like how will it affect the relationship? Who will be the third person? What if you get jealous? And what is allowed and not allowed?
It’s important to talk these things over and weigh the pros and cons to help determine if it’s the right choice for you and your partner.
PRO No. 1: Creating new sexual experiences and exploring sexual fantasies as a couple can bring couples closer.
CON No. 1: Someone in the relationship could end up feeling neglected. One partner may be more open to bringing in a third person, which could make their partner feel inadequate or pressured to have one for the sake of the relationship.
PRO No. 2: It could spice things up. One reason a partner may want a threesome is that they’re looking for some variety and want to include their partner instead of stepping out. It’s like the saying, don’t knock it til you try it, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again.
Con No. 2: There’s a chance someone’s feelings could get hurt. If the rules aren’t properly communicated or boundaries are crossed, one could feel negative about the encounter and form regret and resentment for doing it.
Pro No. 3: It can be empowering and liberating. Deciding to take such a giant leap in sexual experimentation on their own decision can make a couple feel free. It can give a sense of power and freedom.
Con No. 3: It could show selfishness. For example, a man may be willing to bring in another woman but not another man. This could leave their partner feeling left out. Discussing sexual wants and needs can form judgments, so couples should consider what to do if that happens.
Regardless of what you decide, it’s important to think about all factors when it comes to threesomes because they can have lasting effects. But perhaps most important, everyone should be 100% down to do it and know it may or may not meet their expectations.
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