This blog was inspired by this week’s episode of Basketball Wives. To sum up what happened, Evelyn was driving by when she noticed Chad was at a cafe eating lunch with a strange woman. When she confront Chad after a bit of prying he admitted that the woman was an old friend that was in Miami for a visit. Evelyn becomes angry and tells Chad that he should cut off his female friends when they become married especially those that he’s slept with. Chad disagrees and says that demands like this are what makes men sneak around and cheat. What are your thoughts?
I’ll give my thoughts on the subject. I really don’t think there is a right or wrong answer but this is always one of the biggest obstacles in new relationships. With that said, I feel differently depending on the circumstances. If my man slept with someone in the past, I do believe that he should eliminate her from OUR future. Allow me to elaborate. When two people sleep together there were either romantic feelings that lead up to that or it was a random one night stand.There should be no reason that you would have to continue socializing with a woman who you had a one night stand with if you intend on being in a serious relationship with me. What do you have to talk about or catch up on? It’s safe to assume that if a one night stand from the past calls my man up out of the blue, she’s been fiending for the D and she’s trying to get another taste. Well no ma’am, not on my watch! Now let’s assume they had romantic feelings, slept together and for some reason she calls him years later to reconnect. Yes, it’s easy to say that I should trust him to not go there with her but let’s be real. A man that does not think with his penis is an old man who’s penis no longer works. Theres no way I’m trusting anyone with a former lover, doesn’t matter that I love you to death and we’re getting married. I’ll never be lost in love to the point that I’ve lost all common sense.
There’s an exception the above though. Every guy has a good female friend. These are usually the friend that has been with him since child hood and he sees her like a sister. She’s been there for every girlfriend he’s ever had and she only becomes a threat if you ask your man to choose between you two, so don’t attempt it. Making him leave her will only force a rift between you two. Things will become awkward and he may even choose her over you. This is the female friend you want to become close with. It’s easier to watch her interaction with your man when you’re actually around. I’m not saying that it’s not possible that she will sleep with your man. Face it, these days you can’t trust anyone around your boo BUT she’s definitely not worth crossing and starting drama. Let her make the dumb moves while you look like the star.
I believe that it is healthy for men and women to have friendships. You should never tell a man that he is not allowed to have female friends once he gets with you. I don’t believe in Chad’s “it’ll make him sneak and cheat” excuse because it’s just that, an excuse. Telling a man you don’t want him to have female friends is not why he cheats, he just wants to flip it and make it your fault. I do feel however that men need to understand that you can’t keep women around the way you used to when you were single. Not all “female friends” have good intentions and not all of them care that you’re in a serious relationship. Men need to take into consideration that once you are in a serious relationship that some other relationships have to go. Any female who isn’t a SERIOUS friend isn’t worth keeping around.