Ballerific Relationships – It’s Throwback Thursday, Does Her Sexual Past Matter?

As I sit and listen to a few cuts (people still say that right?) from TLC and popular hip hop trio Salt-N-Pepa I notice things that I didn’t before when I bopped my head to these very songs years ago. You know how that goes, you listen to a song you heard and sung along with as a child and realize you had no clue what was really going on. That’s how I feel as I revisit some of my favorite hip hop and R&B songs of the 90’s. I’m shocked by how much sex oozes from some of these songs and how women were fighting for their sexuality. Salt-N-Pepa spoke on double standards and peoples attitudes towards women who are sexually liberated and not much has changed at all. It actually seems as if things worsen as technology, social media and social networks offer more of a platform to dissect and discuss the lives of people we’ve never even come in contact with. There are certain well known women whose names cannot be mentioned without someone bringing up their sexual past. Sadly, their past is often brought up as an example as to why they do not deserve to be happily married, have children, be Loved or respected. Excuse me? 

“Who would even marry her?” “Ew. Does he not know what she did?” “Wow. He really thinks he can turn a ho into a housewife?” they say. Girl, okay. What IS a ho anyway? Well, I asked a few people and the consensus was that it is a woman who has sex with several men with whom she has no emotional attachments to or isn’t in a relationship with. She may also be someone who works in any sex field (but does not have sex) or has sex for monetary gain or a climb on the social ladder. So you’re a ho if you have sex and still a ho if you don’t? K. Got it. These definitions were given to me by women who also have a sexual history with the only difference being that theirs hasn’t been documented or released to the world via tape (that they know of) or best selling book.

While some of these women you refer to as a ho may simply like sex..and a lot of it, some of them have a horrid history. They may suffer with low self esteem, have been sexually abused or manipulated into thinking it was the way to go. They could be so broken that they take pieces of people in any way they can and hope to fill a hole in their soul. Truth is, you just don’t know. Believe it or not there are people who understand the art of being human. They understand that the colors of our pasts are part of the bigger picture but it is not the entire picture and they find beauty still. Imagine that.

Why do you think people are so quick to judge based on sexual history alone? Do you believe that the amount of people someone has slept with makes them less worthy than someone whose slept with fewer people?