Are modern men too lazy to court women? Perhaps. Is this their fault? No. Sure, it can be argued that the modern man has it a lot easier when it comes to dating than that of his Father, Grandfather and so on. I say this because in the past, men were required to go through proper stages of courting before getting the panties, or even being eligible for a young woman to consider entering a relationship with him. This included but was not limited to- Meeting her parents, being accepted by her father after a thorough examination, taking her out on several dates where he was required to behave like a gentleman, respecting her and her parent’s rules.
Fast forward to today and the traditional dating experience for young men and women is completely different. For one, women are much more independent and it is no longer required that the parent’s play an active role in who their daughter is dating. The definition of gentleman also has looser terms. Now a man can request sex on the first date boldly and the woman doesn’t even blink an eye. In some circles she prefers it. But I digress.
I cannot in good conscious, fully blame men for the lack of dating etiquettes. I can blame women for their part. We operate entirely too much out of fear when dating. We forget that we are the only ones who can fully define how a man is going to treat us if he wants to deal with us in a romantic way. We are the only ones who understand the depths of the desires of our hearts. He does not make the decision of how he is going to treat you. We carry that decision making power. It seems that women of today are so consumed with finding a man, keeping a man, and not losing that man to another woman, that we are willing to sacrifice our own self worth, happiness, and so on. We are willing to settle for almost any type of dating experience with a man. As long as he is paying attention to us, we are pleased. When said man realizes that he has the upper hand or that you will accept anything from him, then that is exactly what he will offer you. Absolutely anything he decides you deserve. In essence, you are asking him to define yourself worth for you! That is not his responsibility. Ladies, if you are complacent in your dealing with men, then your will be treated in that manner.
There has been a book written by Steve Harvey and several Tyler Perry movies that address this but the fact of the matter is that there is no trick or secret way to get a man to respect and treat you the way you desire. If I were to choose a formula then I would define it simply as the following: Make a decision of what you are going to accept and what you aren’t from a man. Make a decision of how you desire to be treated. Never stray from these declarations. There is your formula ladies.
There will be some men who will not want to get with “your” program and that is fine. He has the right to make the decision as to what fits his personal dating style and the type of woman he wants to deal with. If he makes the decision that your requirements for courting are too much for him then let him go. Never be afraid to release him. I have learned from my own dating experience and those of others close to me that you should never be afraid of releasing someone who does not make you happy or finds you to be demanding. Perhaps he simply is not the man for you.
Ladies, we cannot continue to blame men for our unhappiness during the dating/courting experience. If you allow someone to mistreat you, to be unappreciative towards you, to make you feel that your love is worthless, then you are at fault. They are treating you the way you allow them to.
I am not advising women to become the biggest b**ch in the world when dating. Being nasty and disrespectful only make you appear to be weak and scared of being hurt. It gives an image of pseudo strength. A strong woman who knows her self-worth does not have to be a b**ch constantly. She operates on something called a “calm confidence”. She knows her worth before she even begins to date a man and no man can sway her from that self actualization. You know your worth not by cussing out a man who mistreats you. You know your worth by deleting him from your cell phone and moving on with your life. Simple, easy and done. If you happen to speak with him and he asks you why you disappeared? You give him the truth. One of two things will happen from this. He will either respect your right to expect to be treated the way you desire during the dating experience and perhaps step his game up. Or, he can decide that he is uninterested in your style of dating and keep it moving. Either way, operating out of fear of losing a man’s attention or affection is never a healthy way to date. This thinking distorts your self-worth during the dating experience and you cannot have a calm confidence and self doubt simultaneously. One will cancel the other out. I guarantee you this ladies, what one man won’t do another one will. Cliche’ or not it is still filled with truth. Just because this one man refuses to meet you half way or treat you the way you desire, doesn’t mean that there is not another man who will be willing to do so.