Let’s Talk: Can You Change A Man?

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In the illustrious words of my incredibly wise mother, “You can’t change a man you deal with, but you can most definitely change THE man you deal with”. I’m going to let that sink in for a minute.

I once was foolish enough to believe that I could change the man. I thought if I upped my vixen appeal, he’d see I was all he could want. I tried showing my domestic skills. I kept an immaculate apartment cooking restaurant type dishes every day of the week. I didn’t mind catching the tab sometimes when we went out and I was all over our academic endeavors. I relentlessly tried to show him, I was the “one” and being with me meant we could “win” together.

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Anytime he saw me, I was dressed to kill, flawlessly made up, smelling and looking like a million bucks. He saw me grind for what I wanted balancing my 9-5 as well as my side hustles. I made higher education my b!tch. I was what most complained about wanting and I still couldn’t get him to focus on me. (Reason 543,221 : Do any everything for you because that’s what you are accustomed to and not anyone else , but that’s another story).

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That sh!t was for the birds. I was able to change the man, once I CHANGED the man I dealt with. I couldn’t make this dude be faithful or ambitious. I couldn’t inspire him to seek more out of life nor could I get him on my level of knowledge formally nor informally.

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Oh, but when I changed the man I was dealing with, my worth was understood. He saw the potential we had. I didn’t have to worry about the “friends” calling or the late night texts. I wasn’t on a mission to prove I was worthy or looked good enough. Everything I had so desperately wanted was of the utmost importance to him.

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You see, the only person you can change is yourself. You cannot make a man want better or do better. You cannot make him faithful or endearing if that is not who he wants to be. If his actions and behavior aren’t aligning with you, then it’s time for you to change the man you deal with. Word to the wise, when you show a man that you want or deserve more by moving on, if he wants you, he will get his sh!t together. If not, then it wasn’t meant to be and you are winning by letting go of the hindrance.