Let’s Talk: Why Are We So Willing to Date Down?

Before we truly dive into this topic, let’s first determine what “dating down” actually means. Does “dating down” mean dating someone who’s less attractive than you? Someone with less money than you? Someone who’s less successful than you? Does “dating down” mean that you’re settling for whatever comes your way? Whatever your definition of “dating down” means, if you feel like you’re currently doing this, you probably already think you’re above your partner whether it be in looks, career, or success. You probably already had the internal debate in your head as to why you’re not doing “so much better” in the dating department. If that’s the case, then why are you in that relationship in the first place?

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First of all, dating is nerve-racking. Before we even go on the first date, we’re already wondering whether or not there’s a future with this person. But, to avoid some of the stress of dating and relationships, some people may “date down” in order to keep the upper hand in the relationship. Think about it, how many of your past partners have been smarter, more attractive, or more successful than you? Whether you want to believe it or not, we’ve all been on one side or the other because relationships aren’t quite equal all the time.

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Sure this sounds cliche, but it’s worth repeating: dating someone who may not be on your level doesn’t make him or her a bad match for you. You might have connected with your mate over similar interests. Maybe you share a love for a certain movie or a certain song. Maybe you connected over your love for travel, or family. Whatever your initial connection spawned from, you fell for that person based on their personality and their heart, not their status in life. So, as your relationship continues to blossom and you continue to get to know this person, should their status in life change how you feel about them?

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After you’ve been in the dating game for a few years, it’s inevitable that you’ve had your ups and downs when it comes to having a successful relationship. You’ve probably experienced enough make ups and break ups to last you a lifetime, so when you’ve found someone that you have a genuine connection with, you realize that superficial things like “status” shouldn’t and don’t matter. What does matter however, is the connection you two have, the way that person makes you feel and how that person treats you. In my opinion, being willing to “date down” means being a bit more open minded and ready to get to know someone based on their personality and not their status. Let’s be clear: dating down doesn’t mean settling, but rather being accepting of someone just the way they are.

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What do you think? Have you ever “dated down”?