Mariah Carey Says Her Dark Past with Her First Marriage and Childhood Contributed to Her Bipolar Disorder

Dealing with bipolar disorder isn’t easy and #MariahCarey says her childhood and troubled first marriage may have ignited hers. The Guardian caught up with the 48-year-old singer on Tuesday where she discussed being sexually harassed throughout her career as an artist. However, she said it “had less of an impact on my life than being in a completely controlling relationship.”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

From 1993 to 1997 Carey was married to #TommyMottola, a Sony Music exec. Mottola was 20 years older than Carey and had a wife and two children when he and Carey first met. While they still pursued each other, Mottola said later their relationship was “absolutely wrong and inappropriate,” and referred to himself as “obsessive.”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Even though she stayed in the toxic relationship for four years she says the time spent only made her a better person. “It also wounded me. When you have to control your own emotions constantly and be aware of every move you make and pretty much ask permission to exist, it affects your life.” In addition to her tumultuous marriage, dealing with her identity as a biracial woman also added to her disorder.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“I had to go through so much in my childhood just to feel accepted and feel worthy of existing on Earth because I felt so different from everybody else growing up, because I was biracial, because I was so ambiguous-looking and because we didn’t have the money to escape whatever the everyday realities of life were.”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

To make matters worse, Carey also had to deal with seeing her older sister Allison arrested twice for prostitution back in 2005. When advertising her sex services Allison used Carey’s song lyrics. 

“[Alison’s troubles] turned me into a very guarded person, and a very prudish person on a lot of levels,” she said, but said she doesn’t feel guilty for how differently her own life turned out from her sister’s. “I don’t think it’s for me to feel guilty about decisions that other people made with their lives. I do as much, privately, as anybody would do for people who have not been very considerate of me, to put it mildly.”