Raising Our Sons: “Boy, Man Up!”

As I strolled through the park just a few moments ago, I watched a mother jog with her two children. Her daughter, who appeared to be around 4 years old matched her pace while her son ran ahead. The little boy looked to be between 8 and 10 years old. I cringed as he approached a broken sidewalk because I didn’t want him to fall. Unfortunately, my thoughts were trapped in my head and “watch your step” never reached my lips as I watched him stumble and eventually fall. I guess he was shocked at first because he did not react at all but a few moments later he yelled out in pain and tears began to stream down his chubby cheeks. “Boy, get your ass up aint nothin wrong with you, you cry over little things! You always whining like a little girl, boys don’t cry! Man up!”

First of all, ma’am, he doesn’t need to man up because he is NOT a man at 8-10 years old. He is a little boy.. a human.. who feels things and reacts naturally to pain with tears. There are a few issues with the message this woman is passing on to her son and she probably is not even aware of it. What may be a ‘little thing’ to her could most definitely be something major to him. What he probably took from that is “your feelings don’t matter” and that is not something you want to plant in a child because that seed grows over time. Equating expressing emotions or pain with feminine traits may cause young men to grow up to be hyper-masculine. They vow to never appear ‘weak’ and do everything in their power to look like the man. The thing about those little boys that you want to man up so badly, eventually age but never grow up. They have all these feelings but if you don’t teach them what to do with them they will learn society’s way. They collect women just like they collect shoes, clothes and cars because they are conditioned to believe that those things are what make a man a man. They confuse leading with being controlling,equate intimacy with sex and as soon as they feel something they’re on to the next. Of course, not all men are like this but more than enough are.

What’s strange is that these same women complain about their own boyfriends or husbands being a stone wall. They want him to talk more, anger less, express more and shut down less. Do you tell then young boys in your life to ‘man up’? Are you aware of the lasting effect it may have? Do you prefer your significant other to express his emotions and wear his feelings on his sleeve or is that perceived as weak?