Recognizing the Men Who Just Want Sex – blogged by: @proudlylauren

So I meet this seemingly amazing guy a few months back, operative word being “seemingly”. He’s employed, childless, ambitious, funny, and educated, all wrapped up in this perfectly chiseled, caramel smooth exterior. We start off with fun dates out to eat, bowling, movies, all that cute stuff, and eventually begin having date nights at home, complete with dinner, wine and lighting to match the mood. After an undeniably tense and romantic date one evening, we decided to consummate the friendship; I’ll spare you the details, but it was “interrupt your beauty sleep, to get up and cook breakfast in the morning”, good.

We did the-do a couple more times for the next couple of weeks, when out of nowhere he starts acting distant. No more jokes, no more dates, no more long conversations. Now I’m not stupid, I know he got what he wanted and then bounced. However, I was perplexed as to why he would put in all of that energy, just to get some booty. That’s when I realized I had been blinded by emotion, and failed to acknowledge that there are a bunch of different ways a guy can go about getting what he wants. It’s not going to always be the obnoxiously immature guy who flat out says “I wanna hit”, it can be the sweet ones too. In my experience here are the various types of façade’s men use to get in the sheets:

Mr. Rug Snatcher: This type of guy plays on women’s need for exclusivity and commitment. He speaks to her hopeless romantic side, following all of the rules of courting a woman: dates, sweet promises, creating fantasies etc. You get right past the point of liking him, approaching the cusp of becoming attached, when you decide to have sex with him. Right then, he snatches the rug from under your feet, and the person you thought you liked is a distant stranger.

Mr. Exclusive: There’s a technique in sales where you get the person to buy, by making them believe they’re missing out on an exclusive, last chance deal. That’s what Mr. Exclusive does; calls you last minute on a Thursday night and tells you how bad he needs you, and how he won’t have much time outside of Thursday to see you. If you oblige, he’ll come through, get what he came for and possibly hit you up the next month.

Mr. Friend with No Benefits: You and this guy are on the same page in the beginning: both of you agree you aren’t ready for a relationship. Instead you both decide to be friends with benefits: after all you‘ll have someone to satisfy your sexual cravings, but also have a friend to confide in and have fun with. The only problem is, he has no intention of being an actual friend and he won’t be there to listen when you need him. He’ll be present for the sex, and when you find that you need his friendship, he won’t be around.  

Mr. Devastated: This man plays on our instinct to want to care for those in need. He’ll pretend to be hurt, devastated, or tormented by something going on in life. It could be his crazy ex, his stressful job, or back pain, whatever it is; he insists it won’t be better without you as his literal release. Once you agree to help his stress go away, you’ll go away with it.

No matter the façade, my biggest lesson would be to always be aware of what you want; and don’t be blinded by lust like I was. If you want something serious with a guy, have serious expectations for him, and be patient and conscious of his intent; if a guy wants nothing more than to hit it, you will know.