Score a Baller: The Handbook on How to Score a Baller

Lesson #1 Quench Your Thirst Before approaching a Baller!

Last night, I had a run-in with a groupie trying to score a baller during Kevin Hart’s “Real Husbands of Hollywood kickoff party” in Los Angeles.  I was in attendance supporting my girl Christina Milian, as she hosted the affair alongside Kevin Hart, and La La; with names like that on the bill, you know all of LA’s elite ballers where in attendance. I was not there looking for anyone or anything special, just relaxing and enjoying the night while supporting my friends. Atmosphere had the aroma of urban sophistication, and like everyone else in VIP, I was dressed to do more than just impress; I came to turn heads. My natural tight curls were flowing in abundance, framing the Caribbean structure in my face. My smooth honey brown complexion was matched by the correlating essence of the royal blue chiffon dress that gave on lookers the alluring but yet tasteful peek at my cleavage. The dress gathered around my small waist, as the remaining part of the dress flowed desirably over my hips and ass.  All of that stood stacked right into the grey snakeskin Louboutin’s which had a hint of lime on the trim. Needless to say, I looked good and from the expression on the other folks face, I wasn’t the only person who thought so. 


The night was  moving quite well. I caught up with a few old acquaintances, and shared catch up stories,  but the majority of the time I sat back in VIP and watch all the other people as they had become my amusement for the night.  There was one particular woman who I had studied the entire night. She was very anxious and noticeable because she wore an all white dress, which stood out , and her neon shoes read “attention” all over them. She had long flowing hair, was tall and slender, and without a doubt she was gorgeous, but thirst would kill a gorgeous face instantly.  Through the duration of the night she had scoped out many of the athletes that were hanging with Kevin in VIP, some of them were well known starters and others you would recognize their name because it had been tossed around here and there. I saw her move from one teammate to the next as she made herself comfy in VIP. She finally got the attention of DeAndre Jordan, in case you didn’t know he is the $10.8 million dollar center for the LA Clippers. As the two talked and chatted for a while, they finally exchanged numbers and gestures.  You could read the excitement all over her face, because in her mind she just knew she had “scored a baller”.


Little did she know or even realize, while she was putting her number in his phone, he was staring down another woman that he had been buying drinks for and trying to reel in the entire night. Once the exchange of numbers had been made, DeAndre went in one direction and she was heading towards mine. As she sat next to me grabbing a bottle of Voss water out of the chrome ice bucket, her eyes lit up and grew bright as she scrolled up and down her contact log in awe that she had an NBA player’s number.  I complimented her on her attention-getting ensemble, in hopes of striking up a conversation. After a few more moments of small talk, she let the excitement loose spilling the beans as if I was one of her girlfriends. She braggingly started by saying “girrrrrrrrl I can’t believe how DeAndre was all over me”! I said “Oh really? Girl, that’s what’s up!”  She proceeded to gleam with as she said “I can’t believe he is going to take me home with him tonight”. I shook my head in laughter, and I told her “sweetheart, you are not leaving with that man tonight. Trust me”. She was so pissed that I had canceled out all of her night’s dreams and hopes, that she turned up her face and frowned as she took a sip of her water before saying “how you gon try to throw shade at me for getting mine when you the one sitting over here alone, and ain’t none of these ballers in here have even came your way?” I responded by saying “touché” , and she gathered her things and walked away.  I could have easily busted that little heffa’s face with reality, because as a woman who has been proposed to twice by two different men in the NBA, I am pretty sure I know a thing or two on how the game goes.


As the evening came to a close, I was just as excited as she was to see how this night was going to play out. She went and waited for DeAndre in the section that he was in so that her hopes of them walking out together would be fulfilled. Just as I tried to previously warn her, De Andre left the VIP section heading towards the exit with a curvaceous Latina woman in tow. It was the same woman that he had been buying drinks for the entire night. The other heffa that had waited for him was left there standing alone, and the only thing she could do was pick up her pretty little pathetic face off the VIP floor and go home. You could see in her face how upset and disappointed she was because in the back of her mind, she knew that I was right. Why didn’t DeAndre leave with her you ask, because of the simple fact that she was the backup plan. That poor child was so thirsty, the Voss water she was sipping on couldn’t keep her hydrated. DeAndre had been buying another woman drinks all night and was dying to get her attention. This other chick, didn’t even get the luxury of him offering to buy her a drink. She did however have a role in his nights plan; that was simply to be the back-up plan. DeAndre needed a plan B just in case the woman that he had been eyeing wasn’t interested in sharing the night with him.




Lesson #1: Quench your thirst before you attempt to score a baller.


Men can smell and sniff out a groupie a mile away, its almost-as-if when they get drafted in the league a groupie detector is installed in their brains. You NEVER want to seem too eager or too determined to get their attention. They like a game, and the like a chase. 9 times out of 10 if they are picking up a woman in the club, it’s not to take home to meet their mommy; more like to take home, have sex, and the chuck the deuce. When ballers are in the clubs with their boys, that is their time to show off their net worth, and to compete with each other to see which one will come out winning the most that night. Yes, boys will be boys. When he is narrowing his options, he’s going to want the woman not paying him any attention to him before he shows interest in the woman throwing herself at him. Men love to make the first move in action of buying you a drink. He is going to want to buy you most expensive drink or bottle that the venue has to offer, it’s his way of showing financial status as well as letting you know that he will pay whatever price to get you. So if he has not offered to buy you a drink, that’s the first clue that he is not necessarily eyeballing you. 



          So, how did I know which order the night’s events would fall? On a few occasions, I have been that dehydrated girl before. I was once in the club wearing the most attention seeking outfit that I could find, and I was doing the absolute most to get the attention of  the then Cleveland Cavalier, Delonte West. I made my way into VIP during the post-game party in which the entire team and some members from the opposing had been out partying. There were a few athletes that I had kept my eye on that night, but Delonte was the one that seemed to be easiest to reach. I made my way over to approach him with my watered down drink in my hand, and introduced myself to him. He told me his name was Delonte and that he would be leaving the club soon.  I looked at that as my opportunity to make a desperate move. I sat my drink down, and stood extra close to him so that my breast were resting on his arm and I stuck his hand on my thigh giving him the go-ahead to feel the rest of what I had to offer. I whispered in his ear “take me with you and I promise to do more with your balls in my mouth, than you do on the court”. He looked at me chuckled and said “oh yea” and slid me his phone so that I could program in my number.  I walked away but stood at a distance watching him so that I could make the exit with him. 30 minuet’s later he assembled his small crew and they left, and he had a different woman with him as he was walking out. I was so pissed because this bitch was walking alongside my chosen baller. I walked out the club following behind them in dis-belief that he was leaving with her. Delonte made eye contact with me  and then shrugged as he hopped in his car with her nestled in on the passenger side. That was it. It was over.


I took off my heels and let my hair out of its bun as I walked my pathetic ass back to my car to head home. I was 5 minutes from the house before I looked down and saw a text from a 202 area code that read, where u at. It was Delonte. I told him my whereabouts and then he replied with the address to where he was.  I immediately turned around and went towards his direction fixing my hair and makeup in the rearview so that I could be just as perfect as I was when he first met me. Thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to figure out what would be the first thing I was going to do when I saw him. When I parked the car, I put on my sexiest face trying to keep composure until I made it to the bedroom. When I entered, he looked at me and immediately removed me from my dress, sliding off my panties, leaving me in only my bra and heels. He sat down on the edge of the bed as he grabbed my waist with both hands pulling me towards him. he slowly kissed all over my torso before taking his huge hands and palming my head, as he shoved my head downward before sticking his light skinned semi-limp dick into my mouth. I felt like this was my chance and opportunity to suck the shit out of his dick like I had never done before, and like he had never felt before. I licked his entire penis from head to sack before licking my lips heavily and slowly wrapping them around the tip of the head. With my lips still enclosed on the top of his dick, I let my tongue trace the outer foreskin of his penis before slowly sliding the entire thing in my mouth. Delonte’s body jerked as he grabbed locks of my hair in his fist, pulling it as he moaned. He loved it. Delonte let out a few more grunts before demanded “let me hear you gag on it”, and I did. I pushed my mouth so far down his dick until I could feel his hairs curling between my teeth. I forced myself to gag, gaging so hard on his dick that I could taste the cranberry juice for my drink earlier coming back up. I swallowed what could have very well been vomit, and placed my right hand on his balls massaging them as I began to move my head up and down in a faster circular motion in efforts of making him cum. I heard his toes gripping the fibers in the carpet as he wined and cussed from my mouths pleasures. Just when I thought he was about to cum, he stopped me abruptly, picked me up by my waist pulling me up off my knees, and forcefully sat me on top of his now fully erect penis. He grabbed ahold of my breast like they were handle bars holding on tightly as I swayed my hips back and forth slowly gearing into full throttle. He whimpered like a little puppy while telling me how wet I was and that he was about to drown.  I rode him so hard and fast that you could hear my pelvis popping. Delonte was now sweating and ripping the the lace off of my bra while yelling and screaming in pleasure, “damn this shit is like a fuckin ocean” “damn you wet as fuck”. While he stayed inside of me, he flipped me over so that he was now on top, putting himself in control.  The louder his grunts got, the deeper his dick slid until I finally felt an intense amount of pressure in my stomach. I had erupted,  gushing all over him getting everything near me wet. It had seemed that my squirting caused him even more excitement drowning him into insanity. It wasn’t until after I had reached my climax during us having sex that my head cleared and I began to realize that I was his backup plan.  Delonte had intended for the woman whom he had left the club with to be in the spot that I was in. For a split second  I felt a lowness in myself and spirit, as he stayed moving on top of me. I realized that I had played myself. I was Delonte’s backup plan. My thirsty and anxious demeanor is what lead me to the position of being plan b. After feeling sorry for myself, I quickly got over it and psyched myself into thinking; I am the best damn backup plan this nigga has ever had.


 This was all in 2007, since then Delonte has become a loving and devoted husband to his beautiful wife named Kimberly. The two have been married since 2009, i of which have no ties or affiliation to Delonte.  The point of it all ladies, when playing in this game and trying to score a baller, stay hydrated. Never let them see how eager you are to pull them. Men know and see the thirst seeping out of your pores of women and they make mental not of that. They do watch the thirsty down-for-whatever qualities in women, and they do seek those women out; but not as a means to of relationship interest or romantic pursuit. These women serve the purpose of a backup plan, the one they call or go to when the woman that they really want as first selection has said no. Women who chase men who are professional competitors in their field need to realize that they too are in a competitive game unknowingly played by many women at the same time. Setting your eyes on a baller who is out partying always draws in the most competition. Night clubs are probably some of the toughest arenas that the game can be played in. You have to be aware of your surroundings, aware of your targets moves, and stay aware of those competing who have also locked in on the sane target. Always stay hydrated and keep your thirst quenched to avoid being the backup plan. And remember, it’s never a competition when you know what you’re doing. 

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