If You’re Always Wondering Where You Stand, You’re Standing Alone

As a woman who coaches others through the highs and lows of dating, I’ve seen this situation more than I’d like to admit: you’re dating someone who says one thing but does another. He tells you he likes you, that you’re amazing, maybe even hints at a future—but then leaves you on read, makes last-minute plans, or straight up disappears when it’s convenient.

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to face a hard truth: he’s just not that into you.

I’ve put together a no-nonsense guide to help you spot when you’re being led on by a man who doesn’t actually have long-term intentions with you. Let’s get into it:

1. He Tells You He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious—Believe Him

The biggest red flag is wrapped in honesty. When a man says he’s not looking for anything serious, that’s your cue to exit, not a challenge to prove you’re the one who’ll change him. Your time, energy, and heart are too valuable for a maybe.

2. He’s Mr. “Spontaneous” (AKA Last-Minute Larry)

This guy never plans ahead. He only hits you up hours before he wants to see you and tries to make it sound romantic. Spoiler: it’s not spontaneity—it’s convenience. He’s probably texting half his contacts to see who’s available. Don’t fall for it.

3. He’s Full of Promises, Light on Follow-Through

He says he’s going to call. He doesn’t. He says he’ll take you out this weekend. He flakes. A man whose words don’t align with his actions is showing you, early on, that reliability isn’t on the menu. You deserve consistency, not disappointment.

4. He’s Stood You Up—Once Is Enough

If he leaves you hanging with no valid reason or apology, that’s not a misstep—it’s a message. A man who values your time will never disrespect it like that.

5. He Keeps It Surface-Level

You could be sitting with him for hours, and still not know a thing about his goals or values. Why? Because he’s not interested in sharing—or learning—anything real. If he doesn’t care to know the depth of you, he’s not planning to stick around.

6. He Never Makes the Effort to See You

Let’s be real—men pursue what they want. If he’s not asking you out, planning time together, or making any genuine effort, then he’s not that into you. Busy or not, a man who wants you makes it happen.

7. His Actions and Words Don’t Match

Words are cheap. He might say all the right things, but if his behavior doesn’t reflect that same interest, then what he’s really telling you is: “I want just enough access to you without having to actually commit.”

Here’s the bottom line, ladies: stop settling for potential and start paying attention to patterns. If his behavior leaves you confused, drained, or constantly second-guessing your worth, then it’s not love—it’s emotional breadcrumbs.

Love feels clear. Interest feels consistent. You shouldn’t have to chase, beg, or wonder.

Watch what he does, not what he says—and never forget: your worth isn’t up for debate.