Stop Attracting the Wrong Men Once and For All – blogged by: @proudlylauren

You know that disheartening, yet familiar sense of disappointment we often experience after we begin liking someone, only to realize that they are just like every other inconsiderate scum bag that’s wasted your time, cute outfits, and Mac lipgloss? Maybe we get dickmatized, or even worse, fall in love; but whatever it is, we become delusional and blind to the red flags that were obvious in his rough around the edges demeanor, or the spontaneity of his unstable career choices.  Without fail, every single time, we are practically banging our heads on the wall, trying to figure how the hell we allowed ourselves to be deceived. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, if there was a monthly man coalition where they meet and agree to the same dysfunctional standard; how else do 3 billion men keep turning into a disaster?  Must be them right? Wrong! The issue actually begins and ends with us women, who are allowing the wool to be pulled over our eyes. Yes, there are a lot of duds, and hope to find your prince charming may seem grim, but there are far more eligible men than we realize. However, we won’t attract them if we don’t make the following changes within:

 Trust Yourself: We ruin relationships from the very beginning because we lead blindly with expectations alone, and disregard intuition. We create expectations like “I need someone who is an athlete” or “I need someone who has a degree”owHthinthin limiting ourselves, and neglecting the fact that we may instinctively hit it off with someone who’s neither an athlete or graduate; trusting a set of rules, more than we trust our own inkling. So when we meet that “athlete”, we are quick to jump into things, despite the one million red flags our intuition warned us about. Consider an even worse situation: imagine meeting the right guy, he’s consistent, and everything in your gut says he’s right, but he’s not an athlete, so you break things off, and miss an opportunity. Learn to trust yourself, by holding yourself accountable, and being realistic with your expectations, which leads me into the next point.

 Establish What You Truly Want: Once we trust ourselves not to make brash and unrealistic expectations, we can then accurately self reflect and figure out what it is we truly want in a man. Again, try not to settle, but don’t get caught up on the shallow things, such as physique, think deeper. Maybe we want someone offering commitment, or we want someone who loves kids, think think think. Once we are sure, and can trust our decision making, anyone offering less wont be able to make it past a conversation, let alone in our life ruining our favorite mascara run.  

 Create Appropriate Standards: People hate cliché’s, but they’re clichés for a reason, so here it goes: “They only get away with what you allow”. Meaning, the wrong guy won’t approach us, so long as we don’t allow him. If his idea of introducing himself means a smack on the ass, and his Instagram name, it’s because it’s worked on some girl somewhere before. Come up with a set of reasonable standards for yourself, determining what is acceptable (a coffee date) and what is not (Netflix and chill). Furthermore, use your self-trust as a catalyst for the confidence you need to establish and enforce these standards.

 Once we take these necessary steps, gone are the days where we are approached and bamboozled by the least conducive man in the room. It will definitely take some time to break our typical routine of settling for that man, but it won’t be long before the upper echelon is all we have to choose from. I challenge you to start with trusting yourself and working your way down the list. I’m personally having some issues with learning to trust myself, so I’ll do a write-up on how to trust ourselves, but for those who don’t need help, take control of your dating life today and get started! Happy dating!