Thanks But I’m Not Your Charity Case: Why Sometimes We Don’t Need Your Help

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for a long time and a recent post on Instagram actually prompted me to sit down and do so. I am a dark skinned black woman, I know — shocker! I have been dark skinned (and black) all of my life. I have seen black women be discriminated against, bullied, disrespected and misrepresented by people of other races and people of our own. I have seen us kicked to the side, told we’re not beautiful, told we are unwanted and treated as second hand citizens by the very men we march to city hall to support. I’ve seen it all — but this isn’t about that. 

Have you ever seen [some] black women rallying on behalf of dark skinned black women when it wasn’t necessary? Does it annoy you as much as it does me? While I appreciate the sentiment and the thoughts, not every issue warrants a crusade, and definitely not on my behalf. Thank you, but I’m not your charity case.

One of the recent situations was the case of Pharrell’s “GIRL” album cover, which included a white woman, a spanish or asian woman and a light skin woman that people didn’t realize was black. I remember black women ripping Pharrell to shreds, implying that he hates black women, despite the woman on the cover being black, him having black leads in previous videos and black women running his business dealings. Then to appease black women, he drops the album artwork for his “Marilyn Monroe” single, featuring a beautiful dark skinned Queen and women ripped him to shreds asking why he didn’t name the song Dorothy Dandridge. Yes, this really happened and I’m disgusted. You see, me, I don’t feel the need to be included in EVERYTHING. Not for nothing, if the girl on the cover of his “GIRL” album wasn’t black, I wouldn’t be entirely offended. One listen of that album tells you who it was made for and I can assure you we all know who bought it. I was versed enough in Pharrell’s contributions to “urban” music to know he’s showcased some of the most beautiful chocolate women in the past, so it’s okay if we don’t make the cover of EVERY album. It never once was implied we weren’t beautiful. 

There was a recent time when a young lady attempted to imply that P. Diddy did not like black women and encouraged his sons of the same thing. Diddy who has three children with Kim Porter, Diddy? Diddy who has black women holding some of the highest ranks in his company, Diddy? The young woman who made the comment suggested that because Diddy chooses to DATE light skin or mixed women, it means he does not LIKE black women. Personally, this is the dumbest misconception I’ve ever come across. Snapple Fact: You have the right to be attracted to whoever/whatever you please. I happen to like tall men. Are short men going to stage a revolt against me? No! If you like light skinned women with curly hair, every dark skinned natural woman is NOT going to be offended. Don’t let the dummies on social media fool you. As long as you don’t put down one to big up the other, I could care less about where you choose to lay your penis. Chances are, I probably wasn’t attracted to you either. Who you choose to have sex with has no bearing on whether or not you appreciate the beauty of a dark skinned woman. Thanks to people of social media, that point rarely gets across.

You see, when you start these wars on social media and you go crazy on behalf of black/dark women, it’s US that get hurt. It’s the dark skinned woman who sees that it’s not that serious that get lumped in with the people who are overly sensitive. There’s a difference between discrimination and not being everyone’s cup of tea and at the tender age of 30 years old, I’ve learned that. Why should I immediately get lumped in with people (black, white or other) who want to rally on my behalf when I didn’t ask for it. No shade, but I’m a big girl, I can handle myself. 

Black women are some of the strongest women I have ever encountered. No need to handle us with kid gloves. We have been through some of the WORST in history and for some of the most minuscule topics to be a crutch given to us by people who don’t even have to deal with these same situations, it’s annoying. No, I don’t care if you don’t put me on the cover of your CD and no I don’t care if you date white women. I DO care if you disrespect me. Don’t do that.

I am a dark skin black woman. For every person who does not accept me, 5 others do. I have been called ugly before and in the same breath, I have been called beautiful while standing in a room full of women 10 shades lighter. Do you know how many dark skinned women are killing the game? Does Lupita Nyong’o still slay? Is Naomi Campbell not the baddest model walking? Are there times when women of color are genuinely mistreated? Often. But not every time is the time. Please don’t start a race war on my behalf. I do not look at the color of my skin as a hinderance and out of respect I would like for others to do the same. Thanks, but I’m not your charity case.