The Beginner’s Guide To Miami

This is such a funny topic to write about because I know all too well the perception the city of Miami has on people, especially out of towners.  They see these videos, and hear the terms used in some rap songs, and it makes them ready to jump on the first flight straight to Miami. There is sort of like a gravitational pull, and it sucks people in with its shiny and glittery promises, and holds the people who already live here from leaving. Everyone wants to be where you are so why leave?? For the most part, what the rappers rap about and what you see on television is somewhat true.  Miami is definitely a city with so much going on it’s impossible to keep up. Let’s break it down.

Sports:

I mean need I really say anything about how the Miami Heat has the sports nation by its balls right now? LOL. We’re probably the most hated NBA team which only adds fuel to the fire. Get it? Fire, Miami Heat? Never mind lol.  Anyway, ever since LeBron James had his big decision special and said he was taking his talents to “South Beach”…Miami was instant on the hate list. But like he said, “I ain’t got no worries!”

Every girl down here wants them a baller. If you are dating someone from the HEAT you might as well have hit the jackpot.  (We’ll talk groupies later.) Unfortunately everyone can’t be Savannah B or Gabrielle Union.  So the hopefulthirsty just drool admire from a far.

South Beach:

This is the biggest misconception. South Beach is NOT Miami. I repeat for all of the people who live in other states. South Beach is NOT Miami. South beach is its own little world.

The biggest event for urban people is Urban Beach Week, better known as Memorial Weekend.

This is where you see just about ANY thing on the beach. Girls walking around naked with strings covering their private area and dudes grabbing females and sexually assaulting them. It’s entirely too much going on and I personally haven’t been to South Beach on Memorial Weekend in about 4 years. The traffic is ridiculous and if you don’t get there early you can forget about finding parking. I always said if I don’t have a helicopter to take me to and from I’m not going.

Despite that, South Beach is good place to go when you want to just chill have a bite to eat or grab a drink. There are definitely plenty of options.  Just be prepared to spend a little money if you want to have a decent time and be prepared to see anybody who’s somebody.

Nightlife:

LIV, Story, Bambu, Cameo, Dream…just to name a few. These are the current clubs where everyone wants to be at.  However, the strip club scene is mostly where the action is. King of Diamonds, G5, Take One, Rollexx, The Office, The Mint, and Coco’s…the list goes on and on from major to little hole in the wall strip joints where the self-made or self-proclaimed ballers post up at after they party on the beach. This is where the after parties are and the term “Naked Hustle” (see blog about this later) makes its grand entrance.  Miami made it cool to be in the strip club partying. What was once reserved for professional men on their lunch breaks, have become the breeding ground for both men and women. The women go there for the men they know are going to be there. Let’s be honest some men rather have a girlfriend who is comfortable with him going to the strip club, so why not be with someone you meet in there. (That’s a relationship headed for disaster by the way)

One thing about it there is no place like Miami when it comes to partying. You have to experience it first hand to catch this drift.  In these clubs you will see everyone you watched on the BET Awards and/or movies up close.  Every celebrity has a home down here or vacation frequently.

Groupies:

One word.  Abundance. These girls live and breathe Miami. They’re usually very pretty, and laced in the hottest trends and fashions. After all, in order to attract money you have to look like money. They come in all shapes and sizes too. Groupies are the girls who get behind the stage, in the VIP sections and get picked to get into the club with no hesitation.

The Real Deal:

This is just my opinion after living here most of my life. Miami is such a facade.  Let’s just be real. If you’re interested in that lifestyle, if you don’t have money you won’t make it. Impression is everything.  Unfortunately, the way to impress these simple minded people is to have red bottoms, pop bottles, make it rain and all that other nonsense. There is an image to uphold and you have to fit the mold. That’s why it’s easy for celebrities and “ballers” to come here or live here and be successful. Truth of the matter is you have some type of talent, whether you’re an actor, rapper, ball player or even a drug dealer. If I was a millionaire or billionaire I’d definitely have a spot here and hang out here but I wouldn’t live here.

But if you’re just an average woman like me, working a regular 9-5, trying to finish school, and build relationships worth something Miami is definitely not the place to be. It’s difficult to find a good husband or wife, a career, or even a home to invest in. It’s extremely expensive to live and maintain here. Apartments range anywhere between $900-1400 monthly, this is a no fault state as far as insurance, the cons to me go on and on.

So for me, a change in scenery is in the works. For any hopefuls, consider your wants and desires before making the leap.

Any thoughts on those here or thinking of moving?

XXOOXOX Kiss