The Crab Mentality : blogged by @niksofly

I remember pinky promising with girls that we would never change. Back then middle school was the game changer. Then it was high school and college. No matter the internships and job offers or relationships, we would be the same humble people we were before the progression. Success wouldn’t change us.  Or would it ?

 If you saw me, you saw my circle. If they weren’t around, you would be respectful as if they were. Not one soul would ever be comfortable enough to mention anything negative about the people I took for family. Apparently in the years of maturing and the age of social media logic, those pinky promises went out the window. I’ve come to the harsh realization that everyone is with you as long as you don’t progress beyond the point in which they are at.  The very people you would go to bat for are probably the ones rooting for your failure and if they aren’t, chances are they probably have two cents to aid in your demise. They are the first to tell you that you changed, but in reality, they are the ones that have changed. Envy has consumed them and instead of being happy for you, they resent you.

It was cool when you celebrated their accomplishments and encouraged their dreams, but because you dream bigger or your accomplishments are a tad bit more astounding, problems arise. You are the same core person. You still believe in the same values, but your outlook has changed. Being seen isn’t the goal.  You want to be respected.  Now you are “trying to be important”. While you were grinding, they encouraged you to date better and get someone that is “equally yoked”, but the moment you announce your desire to do so, they want you to date “reasonably” (people that they too can attain).  Where ambitious once defined you, they now say you are “industry” or “hollywood”. Not once have you stepped out of character, but to them, the idea of you progressing beyond them is disheartening.

You hear the whispers. You see the “general” social media posts. At no time would you have thought the very ones you encouraged would be the ones that discourage you. They hide behind the disguise of “I’m Looking out for you” when in actuality they are looking out for themselves.  Your actions are offensive until they need you to pull them on stage (figuratively and literally. And when you don’t, they rant about how much you have changed.  Truthfully you have, but it isn’t in the negative sense.  Your vision is a bit more sharper. Your work ethic is more aligned with your goals. You understand what greatness requires. The only people that have negatively changed are them. They are so focused that you will do better that it warps their perception of reality. You were never the “turn up” person, but now when you decline the opportunity for debauchery, you are acting brand new. If you decide you want a Slow Gin Fizz instead of a Four Horsemen, you are on that new age.  You part your hair to the left instead of the right and you think you are better than everyone else. The freedom to express yourself as you desire is now replaced with preconceived notions fueled by jealousy, but they say you have changed.  Separate from them. Greatness requires positivity. Don’t sacrifice who you are or want to become based on the insecurities of others. If you aren’t hurting yourself or society, why is there a problem?. When that claw is holding tight to your future, break it. It is better for them to be armless, then for you to be held down.

If we lived our lives according to others, then we would never be happy. Do what makes you happy. If you change, so what?  Change is inevitable. Don’t let that crab mentality hinder you.

-Niko Rose