The Decision: His Mama Or Me

I’m at an age where I look for a lot of things when I’m in search of a potential mate. One of those things is how he treats his mother. Not how he SAYS he treats her, but how they actually get along. I find that a man who truly loves and respects his mother tends to carry those same values into his relationships. But what happens when Big Mama doesn’t know her place and starts acting like she’s the one in the relationship? Should your beau have to choose?

The most likely scenario I can think of is one involving a mama’s boy. For example, Terrence J’s situation on “Think Like A Man”. His mom was so used to being the woman in his life that as soon as another woman came into the picture, she felt her position was being threatened. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how great of a woman you are, you will never be good enough for an overprotective mother. 

You ever meet that mom who’s cool with any girl your man brings around, even the side chick? It’s to the point where she’s messy. She smiles in your face. Smiles in the side chick’s face. Smiles in the ex’s face and the next’s face. Sometimes you wish she just wouldn’t smile at all. At least you can see her for who she really is. 

So what do you do with a man who can’t keep his mother in check? Do you make him choose or do you realize that it’s a package deal and get over it? I’ve been in both of these positions and both times I opted to just deal. Here’s why:

You will never win the fight between a man and his mother. Doesn’t matter what she did, mother is always right. Even when she’s dead wrong, she’s right and at the end of the day, she will be there long after you. What you SHOULD do is voice your concerns to your mate. Not in a way to make him choose your side over hers, but to let him know how his mother makes you feel. It’s important for him to realize that you and him are the only two people in your relationship and that his mother should remain a mother and not his “girl friend”. It’s important that he understands that your feelings are just as important and that he must communicate and mediate things between you and his mom if the future of your relationship is important to him.

For a Mama’s Boy, it may be hard at first, but soon (with some coaching) he should come around and understand how to balance mama and boo.

If not, run like hell girl.