“Ain’t s*t”! “Deadbeat”! “ Donor”! If I recited these words, more than likely it would be assumed that I am referring to a male that does not want to take responsibility for his seed. I am assured in concluding that the choir of single mothers (predominantly the bitter ones) would join in as hands are weaved together in a Kumbaya moment. That is a story that has been repeated far too many times for comfort. While the virus of irresponsibility plagues many men, there is a bacterial infection of hypocrisy that has slowly burrowed itself into some women.
There is no doubt that creating a life is a beautiful thing. There are so many individuals that dream of that opportunity and unfortunately will never experience its burgeoning power. Parenthood is often overshadowed with the cautionary tales of “no good men” and “single motherhood”. No one ever wonders about the child or the child’s father. How would the response be if men pointed out the mother of their child’s repulsive actions?
I was taught there were three sides to the story- his side, her side and the truth. Somehow the vehement search to ascertain the truth is cast by the wayside for the consumption of impeccable stories of falsehood. I can remember being in family court day in and day out regarding raises in child support, but when asked about visitation the judge would draw blank. The guilty party would suggest “ the child didn’t want to come” and those mandated visitation schedules seemed to be dismissed. I would bury my face in my palms wondering how is it that if this young man would neglect the support of his child he could face being jailed, however the woman could disregard visitation and she would only get a blank stare (or a warning if the judge attempted to do his/her job). Mother’s day comes and the adoration for single mothers is immeasurable. Father’s day silently knocks on the world’s door and is fervently dismissed with character assassinations by mothers who felt that Father’s day, regardless of the 364 daily attempts, the world needs to know about the poor examples of fathers. And if an honorable mention is made, the infamous “For all the real men who take care of your responsibilities” precludes the intent of the “honor”.
No one ever challenges why the father is absent. We assume the absence is his irresponsibility. What if we questioned the mother that denies visitation or alternates residency? Women have even went as far as installing the pay-per-visit policy. If a man is unable to make financial contributions his visitations are illegally refused. We can agree that a child cannot eat air sandwiches for survival, but isn’t the child’s mental health and overall being a concern? How does subjecting a child to a life without the father’s presence make a woman the epitome of motherhood, but the father is referenced as the fecal matter from which we scrape off of our shoes . Of course there are men that aren’t on their job, but how does berating a man in front of his child expand the relationship between child and father? Is that teaching a daughter how to treat men or demonstrating to a son how to behave as a man? For me, the real culprits of questionable parenting are those that block the relationships of a fathers and their children. We hardly ever read or hear about it because the guilty party isn’t as vocal in admitting their faults, but it is a reality to more fathers and children than we can imagine. It is definitely a facet of life that causes one to ponder on the duality of life in regards to parenthood.