The BA Academy: The “Professional” Groupie

What is a “professional” groupie you may ask? Well according to OfficialGroupie, a professional groupie is a woman with a career who actively seeks ballers to complement her lifestyle. She is classy, independent, articulate, educated, has a career, resourceful, and knowledgeable. However, she is also in DENIAL. The professional groupie does not see herself as a groupie. The term groupie would be a disrespectful term to her. She sees it as finding a man who is on her level or higher. She doesn’t display the typical actions of a “Rookie” groupie therefore she believes she doesn’t have any groupie tendencies. She turns her nose up at the rookie groupie because she thinks sleeping with a baller just for kicks is classless. She believes her motives are more than just sexual. She has standards. She wants a relationship… with a man who is successful in both his career and finances. If he happens to be a multimillionaire NBA player, then so be it. The professional groupie insists that she is not a groupie because…

1.she has the “Don’t Even Try It” attitude. She “claims” that she would not put up with the BS of a baller.
2.she is more strategic with her dating techniques and appears to be more of a challenge.
3.she doesn’t give it up too soon.
4.she wouldn’t just date any baller. He must meet mostly all of her requirements.

She also doesn’t look like a groupie. She is rocking the professional steez. Just imagine Michelle Obama in her younger days. If seen at work, she is wearing the freshest business outfit from Express, the Limited, Ann Taylor, or NY and Co. Her role at work is an intricate part of the corporation. She’s kind of important:) But once she leaves work, it’s time to play! If she goes out, she wears a nice pencil skirt, corset, pearls, and a sexy stiletto. She is usually sipping on a Cosmo, Sex in the City, or has a glass of wine. And she ALWAYS has business cards on deck ready to be handed out. She’s mingling with the girls, observing the scene, and people watching……which basically means she is working. She is working on how she can land her a baller. She is taking mental notes that can be analyzed at a later date.

It’s hard to recognize professional groupies because they encompass a wide range of women. She may or may not be attractive. She may or may not have the fly girl appeal. She may or may not have mastered the art of flirting her way into VIP. She may or may not have swagger. She may or may not be a prude. However, one thing they all possess is that they play up their profession. Oh yes indeed!

As stated before, we all know that men are not that bright. They fall for the professional groupie. She uses her profession to impress them. They like the fact that she has a career and “wouldn’t need them for their money”. They like her independence, drive, character, and status. Men like to brag too. So telling their teammates that they are dating a lawyer looks very good for them. She acts like a lady and treats them differently from the other women they are used to dealing with. Again, she does not display the typical groupie traits….or does she? Well, she doesn’t display the traits to him, but she does do it behind the scenes. This is where the denial comes into play.

How could she be in denial, you may ask? Well, she ALWAYS has an excuse for her actions when in fact she does indeed display groupie tendencies. Let’s examine the following….

1.She bookmarked websites that show players salaries.
Her Excuse: I just wanted to know how much money they make so I can tell who the real and fake ballers are. It’s a reference page.
The Reality: If you check the site to view salaries every time you see a baller to determine if you would date him, then you are a professional groupie! OR if you check the site to gauge how much interest you should have for him (i.e. he only made $350K so you’re slightly interested OR he made $13mil so you’re really interested), then you are a professional groupie!

2.She knows ALL the parties and hangout spots.
Her Excuse: I know people and they just tell me all the hot spots. I like being “in the know.” It’s an opportunity to network.
The Reality: You are going to these parties to increase your chances of landing yourself a baller because deep down you really like the idea of being a baller’s wife and really want to be a part of the lifestyle. Thus, you are a professional groupie!

3.She knows his business advisor, financial planner, and/or agent.
Her Excuse: I met them at a conference. I figured that if they can manage millions of dollars then they would do a great job of handling my lil’ change.
The Reality: You know these people so you can get the inside scoop on future business deals, how much money they have invested, and the potential business ventures they will a part of. You are using this information to gauge long term financial stability because you don’t want a broke baller in five years. Thus, you are a professional groupie!

4.She researches EVERYTHING about a baller.
Her Excuse: I like to know what I’m getting myself into. I want to know about his character and history.
The Reality: If you read his player profile page, google his name, know all his personal information (i.e. age, height, weight, parents names, number of siblings, place and date of birth, ex-wives, number of kids, arrests, salary, awards, significant plays on and off the field), know his charity events, know his injury status, know whether he’s going to be traded, watch Sportscenter to get updates, read the teams discussion forums for fans, view Lipstick Alley, Talk-sports, Bossip, and Media Takeout….all to gather information to determine if he can be the ONE cause you really wanna marry a baller, then you are a professional groupie!

5.She is a member of BallerAlert!
Her Excuse: BallerAlert is so informative. It has great posts and blogs. I like reading the Groupie Tales.
The Reality: If you are at WORK (behind your desk, sitting in a reclined chair, have a desk name plate and a secretary) and logs on religiously to get the scoop and gossip on ballers for the sole purpose of landing a baller, then you are a professional groupie!

Disclaimer: Let me add by saying that you can do the aforementioned five things and not be considered a groupie. Just because you are a member of BallerAlert DOES NOT mean you are a groupie!! If “Her Excuse” is valid and actually true then you are not a groupie. However, ladies, if at least 1 of “The Reality” parts of the aforementioned scenarios applies to you, then you are a professional groupie!

It’s ok. Accept the fact. Take the first step and admit it. Therefore, ladies, stand up and say….”I, (insert name here), am a Professional Groupie!”

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