The Ten Office Worker Commandments (Commandments 4-6)

I have trust issues. My paranoia is like no other and I am so thankful for this curse. At work when women are nice to me, I imagine they are trying to frame me for sexual harassment. At work when women shake my hand or pat me on the back, I imagine they are trying to frame me for sexual assault. For example, the mailman called my office and told me that he was at the door with a package for my boss, but it was not a big one. I then relayed the message to my boss and she replied, “Why do you need to tell me it’s a small package? Do you think I can handle a big package?” I then told her that there was no appropriate way to answer that question. She smiled and told me that was a good answer. Needless to say I am up on game and when it comes to setting traps and scheming I will never lose. Allow me to teach you to be the same.

4. CHOICES

There is a right way to do wrong, but doing wrong the right way is hard work. It is possible to drive a car with your feet. It is possible to walk around blind-folded being led only by a dog but why do things the hard way? Doing things the hard way is not easy at all, it is all about thinking ahead. Do you know how a person will respond in a situation? Can you accurately predict outcomes, because if not, doing wrong is not for you.

For example if you are married and cheating on your spouse, how can you safely end the affair without being exposed? Do you imagine that there are women out there that just want to be used and not loved? Do you imagine there are men out there that don’t mind sharing your body? Have you fallen for the “no strings attached” hoax? How can you have something as enjoyable and pleasurable as sex without a connection? Sex without a connection is a lie told by someone yearning for a connection using sex as a Trojan horse. Many of your coworkers have problems and they hate you if you appear to have less. Some may even try to sabotage you so you can potentially become as miserable as they have been.

5. RELIGION

Whenever people bring up their religion at work, beware of that person. Religion and sexuality are similar in that they should be private matters. For example one of my coworkers is gay and everyday he must validate his sexuality with inappropriate comments. This behavior only leads me to believe he is not really gay. You don’t need to talk about food to eat. You don’t need to talk about cars to drive and religion and sexuality is no exception.

Ask yourself why it is so important to the person bringing up religion in the workplace that you know their stance? Ask yourself if they would still have the same conversation if the boss was present? Beware of people who are willing to expose their business to you. If they are willing to expose their business they will expose your business. Loyal people don’t need to be liked by everyone. A loyal person doesn’t need reciprocity or validation. Find loyal people if you can and be loyal to them. Stay away from wierdos who want the world to know their secrets and applaud or pity their situation.

6. BOSS/SUPERVISOR

Never believe that you have a relationship with the boss. Never believe what you say at work is kept confidential. If you were me, everything you say would actually be a trap. I’m so fake at work my girl sometimes has to remind me that I am at home and I can be myself. I am a robot at work. I will never talk about personal matters with a coworker. If I do share information with a coworker it is 100% lies. I am constantly lying to my coworkers to make gossips feel embarrassed and humiliated. Eventually someone will approach me to discuss the validity of a lie I told someone else. When that happens I will tell the new person that it’s a lie, humiliating them and causing them to never believe the gossip again.

I create distrust and malice between my coworkers and it only works if they fall for my traps. If they spread information about me they will be spreading lies, which will make them a liar. I express lies as truth, but the gossips don’t know it’s a lie until they spread it. Women who are attracted to me will hear about how much I love my girl and why I am so glad she is nothing like them. I am always setting traps for people at work and it only works if they try to go against me. For example my boss is currently spreading rumors that I am single and lonely when I am married with three kids. So on Christmas eve many coworkers approached  me asking if I wanted to come over for Christmas so I wouldn’t need to be alone. Set traps for people because the people trying to hurt you will fall for it every time.

Click here to read Commandments 1-3