Having sex without an orgasm is like having an itch you just can’t scratch. Sex without the “big O” is cringe-y and embarrassing, even if you’re not the person performing poorly.
Yet still, many people who experience lousy sex don’t speak on it and may even act as if their partner “rocks their world.” But for whatever the reason, the consensus among sex experts is: faking an orgasm does more harm than good.
WHO: According to several studies, women fake more than men, including a 2019 survey of 1,232 Kinkly.com readers that revealed 87 percent of females, compared to 69 percent of males, have faked an O at least once in their lifetime.
Why: Sex experts say some people fake climaxing because they get frustrated when they feel it’s not going to happen and others don’t want to offend their partner. People are widely misguided when it comes to sex (thanks to a lack of sex education for pleasure purposes and many people who turn to porn to be their teacher). Although we live in a sex-obsessed culture, sexual performance and learning convos are taboo. It’s not often you hear people say they’re actively learning to improve their moves in the bedroom.
Damages: Well, for one, it’s a positive reinforcement to fake an orgasm. It allows the other person to continue performing at a subpar level, leading to resentment in the one continually not being satisfied. It can also create a disconnection between the two and prevent further sexual exploration.
Plus, when–or if—a partner reaches their boiling point and finally tells their significant other they‘e not being satisfied, their partner may feel betrayed by all the faking.
Now What: It’s not easy for a person to tell when their partner is faking orgasams, which is why one should definitely speak up. It doesn’t have to be in a rude tone. Sometimes you have to teach your partner the things you like because what worked for someone else might not work for you. Learning your partner’s body can create great sexual chemistry and form a more intimate bond not only physically but mentally and emotionally too. On the other hand, speaking up allows the other partner to discuss their sexual gripes as well.
Long story short, speak up. It’s 2023, and this year we are getting everything we want, including good sex. Let your partner know what you want and need.