USA Today Tells Baller Alert Billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov Will Marry A Borscht Cooking Hottie If Nets Lose

I want the Nets to do just as well as the next man but if a billionaire says he is getting married if the Nets lose, I will throw my all my Brooklyn Nets memorabilia in a fire and denounce Jay Z as my Uncle. More Money, More Cash, More Hoes!


In a recent interview with USA Today, Billionaire & New Jersey  Brooklyn Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov, says he will punish himself by getting married if the Nets don’t win a championship in the next three seasons.

Q: Is marriage something you would consider some day?


A: I have said that if the Nets don’t win the NBA championship within five years, I will punish myself by getting married. We are in year three. So no one is more interested in winning a championship than yours truly.

USA Today also tells Baller Alert (yes, they called us out by name) that if the Nets DON’T win a championship Prokhorov’s future wife has got to like beets and better know how to make a mean mean bowl of borscht.

Now, I cant even pronounce borscht but in an attempt to live the Ballerific Life, I looked up a recipe.

Borscht Recipe


  • 8 cups beef broth*
  • 1 pound slice of meaty bone-in beef shank
  • 1 large onion, peeled, quartered
  • 4 large beets, peeled, chopped
  • 4 carrots, peeled, chopped
  • 1 large russet potato, peeled, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
  • 2 cups thinly sliced cabbage
  • 3/4 cup chopped fresh dill
  • 3 Tbsp red wine vinegar
  • 1 cup sour cream
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • *Use gluten-free broth if you are cooking gluten-free



• Bring 4 cups of the beef broth, the beef shank, and onion to boil in large pot. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until meat is tender, about 1 hour 30 minutes.

• Transfer meat to work surface; trim fat, sinew and bone and discard. Chop meat; cover and chill. Cool broth slightly. Chill in pot until cold, at least 4 hours and up to 1 day.

•  Spoon fat from top of chilled broth and discard. Add remaining 4 cups broth, beets, carrots, and potato; bring to boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes.

•  Stir in meat, cabbage and 1/2 cup dill; cook until cabbage is tender, about 15 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Stir in vinegar.

• Ladle soup into bowls. Top with sour cream and remaining 1/4 cup dill.

Yield: Serves 6.

Ladies, I suggest you find the closest Brooklyn Net player you can and distract him with sex before each game. All for one and one for all!

And to Mikhail, Hey Boo! I’m pre-heating this oven and got these beets whenever you’re ready 🙂

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