When He’s Already Planning the Wedding—But Doesn’t Know Your Favorite Color

As a woman who coaches others in love and relationships, let me give it to you straight—when a man comes on way too strong, way too fast, it’s not always sweet. Sometimes, it’s a sign.

A couple of dinners, a few deep stares, and suddenly he wants to introduce you to his entire social circle, his mom, the mailman, and his childhood pet? Girl, hit the brakes.

It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of it all—especially when he’s tall, charming, and knows exactly what to say to make your knees buckle. But when he’s planning futures and pushing family intros before he’s even learned your middle name, that’s not romance—it’s projection.

He’s not falling for you, he’s falling for the idea of you. The version he created before truly getting to know the real woman sitting in front of him.

Let’s say you’re feeling him. You like how he treats you (so far), and he’s got that “it” factor. But as time passes, you start noticing the subtle slips: he talks more than he listens. He cuts you off. He doesn’t ask about your life or your goals. And yet—he’s already branded you “The One.”

This is what I call the fantasy mold. He had a picture in his head of what his perfect woman would be, and when you entered stage left, he tried to fit you right into it. No questions asked. No curiosity about your depth. Just assumptions and expectations.

But here’s what happens next: as soon as you show signs of individuality—opinions, independence, personality—he starts backing off. Suddenly, the texts dry up. Calls go unanswered. And you’re left wondering what went wrong.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

He just realized you don’t fit the cardboard cutout he imagined. And that’s his issue—not yours.

This isn’t exclusive to men either. As women, we sometimes do the same. We build up an image of what we think our ideal man should be. We imagine charm, intellect, shared values, and emotional maturity. But when reality hits and he doesn’t live up to the dream by the appetizer round, we check out.

These fantasy projections rob us of the actual experience of getting to know someone. The messiness, the nuance, the humanity. You can’t build love off a template—you build it off truth.

So the next time someone tries to go from “nice to meet you” to “meet the family” in three dates flat, pause. Ask yourself: is he really seeing me? Or am I just a prop in his rom-com?

Dating is a process. It’s okay if not every man you meet becomes the man. That’s the beauty of the journey—you learn, grow, and get closer to what’s meant for you.

Protect your peace, move with intention, and remember: if it starts too fast, it often ends the same way.